Michelle,

I, too, play the what-ifs over and over in my head. Heather HAD the radiation and it didn't help. My what-ifs include - Why not RAD and chemo INSTEAD of surgery, what if we had gone to a major cancer center in the beginning? But, just a few weeks ago, I read a post from someone who did go to a major center and they are dealing with a recurrence anyway. So you just never know.

We can tell you to stop playing what-if until we are blue in the face, but only you will know when the time is right to move on. Gradually, you will come to realize that there is no way to know if doing anything differently would have helped. You will be able to move on, but it is much too early for that yet. Your pain is too fresh. A terrible injustice has been done and you will not get over it easily. But time will help. We all heal at our own rate. Don't try to rush things. In order to heal, first you need to grieve and the what-ifs are just part of that process.

Lots and lots of hugs,
Rosie

Michelle, it hasn`t been that much time really that much since time since you lost Marcy, allow yourself to grieve, cry as much as you want, scream, throw things, whatever you need........We need you in this battle with us !!!!! Love and Hugs, Dee

MY DEAREST MICHELLE,, YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ,MUST BE DEVASTATED BY ALL OF THIS..I LOST MY MOTHER TO CANCER,,SHE WAS 42,,I WAS 25,,WHEN SHE PASSED AWAY I THOUGHT THE SAME WAY AS YOU DO NOW,,THEN MY FATHER PASSED AWAY 2 YEARS LATER AT THE AGE OF 49 OF A HEART ATTACK,,MY ENTIRE FAMILY JUST KNEW THAT THIS WONDERFUL MAN DIED OF A BROKEN HEART,,ALL OF A SUDDEN THE FOUR OF US KIDS WERE ORPHANS, WE WENT FROM HAVING TWO LOVING PARENTS TO HAVING NONE,, WE DIDN'T KNOW HOW WE WERE EVER GOING TO GO ON..WHAT ANOTHER DAY, TO DO THIS ALL OVER AGAIN, HOW, WHY,, WE WERE LOST..AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW..MY HEART IS JUST BROKEN FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY..WE ARE TAUGHT WHAT TO DO WHEN SOMEONE COMES INTO THIS WORLD,,BUT NO ONE TOLD ME ANYWAY, HOW TO SAY GOODBYE..FOREVER, GOODBYE,,THAT IS THE HARDEST THING IN THIS WORLD TO DO..AS YOU WELL KNOW..I CAN NOT IMAGINE LOOSING A SIBLING,,SO I DO NOT HAVE A CLUE ON HOW YOU FEEL THERE,,BUT I DO KNOW ABOUT FEELING EMPTY. A BIG HUG FROM ME TO YOU,, JUST TAKE YOUR ARMS AND REACH AROUND AND HUG YOURSELF. BLESS YOUR HEART.I NEVER KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW. FOR I HAVE ALMOST LIVED AS LONG WITHOUT THEM AS I DID WITH THEM..THAT ALL THE TEARS THAT I STILL CRY,, I NEVER KNEW HOW LONG IT WOULD HURT..I WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU WHAT EVERYONE TELLS US AT A TIME LIKE THIS,,TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS,,,YES I SUPPOSE FOR SOME IT DOES,,I THINK PERSONALY THAT WE JUST LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT THEIR PRESENCE IN OUR LIVES,,WE LEARN TO ADJUST TO A NEW LIFE BECAUSE NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME AGAIN,,I REMEMBER A FRIEND THAT HAD COME TO THE HOUSE THE DAY OF THE SERVICE,,SHE WAS GETTING INTO HER CAR,,I JUST LOST IT RIGHT THEN AND THERE,,AGAIN,,BECAUSE SHE WOULD GO ON HER LIFE HAD NOT CHANGED,,MINE HAD,,I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TO HAVE SOME PEACE WITH ALL THIS..THOSE WORDS LIKE SHE IS IN A BETTER PLACE,, WELL YOU WILL NEVER HEAR THOSE FROM ME,,THEY ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ME,,I KNOW THAT WE WERE ALL SELFISH CHILDREN,BECAUSE WE WANT OUR LOVED ONES HERE WITH US,,BUT IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK OUT THAT WAY. SO GOD BLESS YOU, GOD LOVE YOU,,YOU WERE WONDERFUL TO YOUR DEAR PRECIOUS ANGEL BABY SISTER.BUT YOU MUST GO ON BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO TELL YOUR NEICE WHAT A BEAUTIFUL LOVING MOTHER SHE HAD AND HOW HARD SHE FOUGHT TO BE HERE WITH HER, SHE WILL NEED YOU IN HER LIFE,,AND MARCY WOULD WANT YOU RIGHT THERE FOR HER..YOU ARE AN ANGEL RIGHT HERE ON EARTH, WALKING WITH ALL OF US HOLDING OUR HANDS,,THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORY WITH ALL OF US,,,I JUST JOINED THIS GROUP AND I WILL FOREVER BE TOUCHED BY IT...ALWAYS, VICKI LYNN