| | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 17 Member | OP  Member
Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 17 | Hello all.
I'm sorry to even have to say this, but my love is gone. Doug passed away at 5:22 am march 20th.
I am beside myself with grief and pain. Not only did I lose my love, I lost his family because of religion and his life insurance because no matter how hard I tried Doug would not tend to end of life details. His life insurance was left in his ex wife's name for over 15 years'! I know he never meant for any of this to happen but it did!
Grief and anger come in waves and I don't know how to handle it all.
If I could say one thing to the sick- Please please, it's not giving up by making sure everything is in order for your loved ones. Losing you would be pain enough, let alone lose everything you worked for. And please let all of your family know your last wishes, don't leave your loved one fighting for what your wishes were like my husband did.
Grieving is so awful, anger and loss only amplifies your loss.
At times my pain is so great I don't think I could take another breath. There are moments I pray he is up there seeing what anguish he left me with and more often than not I pray he never sees the pain.
Cheryl
1st post under(Introduce Yourself Re:I've waited too long)
Caregiver to Doug
Dx 8/31/10
Stage 4 HPV(?) SCC Tonsil, Tongue, Jaw and Lymph-nodes
98% Glossectomy
Bilateral Neck Dissection x 2
Trach and PEG indefinitely
Palliative weekly Chemo
Carboplatin-Pemetrexed-Erbitux
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 104 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 104 | Very sorry to hear of Doug's passing and your circumstances... My wife survived breast cancer and was pretty no nonsense about me getting my papers in order. I did not like to talk about it at all. You give some very good advice and I hope that things soon improve for you.
Brian
Stage IV TxN2aM0 HPV+ SCC 38 y.o. male
9/20/13 Sentinel Node Found
12/5/13 Start of 72Gy and 5 bags of Cisplatin
1/21/14 Treatment Ends
1/25/15 1 Yr clear
| | | | | Joined: Apr 2013 Posts: 319 Platinum Member (300+ posts) | | Platinum Member (300+ posts)
Joined: Apr 2013 Posts: 319 | Thank you for sharing that with us, shantueausrfighting, I cannot imagine how painful it was for you to come here to say that, and it definitely needed saying.
When I got the news of my "upgrade" from Stage IV to Stage IVc, I did all those things for my prospective widow, and traded my new POV for a much cheaper one and a large check for the difference which I put into savings for her.
I can't say how sad it is to hear how you are getting cheated out of his life insurance. My heart goes out to you, along with my admiration for the strength you show in this post.
Thanks you very much, Brave Lady!
Bart
My intro: http://oralcancersupport.org/forums/ubbt...3644#Post16364409/09 - Dx OC Stg IV 10/09 - Chemo/3 Cisplatin, 40 rad 11/09 - PET CLEAN 07/11 - Dx Stage IV C. (Liver) 06/12 - PET CLEAN 09/12 - PET Dist Met (Liver) 04/13 - PET CLEAN 06/13 - PET Dist Met (Liver + 1 lymph node) 10/13 - PET - Xeloda ineffective 11/13 - Liver packed w/ SIRI-Spheres 02/14 - PET - Siri-Spheres effective, 4cm tumor in lymph-node 03/15 - Begin 15 Rads 03/24 - Final Rad! Woot! 7/27/14 Bart passed away. RIP!
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 3,267 Likes: 4 Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jul 2012 Posts: 3,267 Likes: 4 | Cheryl, I'm sorry for your loss, and offer my condolences in Doug's passing. Thank you for sharing the necessity for pre-planning.
10/09 T1N2bM0 Tonsil
11/09 Taxo Cisp 5-FU, 6 Months Hosp
01/11 35 IMRT 70Gy 7 Wks
06/11 30 HBO
08/11 RND PNI
06/12 SND PNI LVI
08/12 RND Pec Flap IORT 12 Gy
10/12 25 IMRT 50Gy 6 Wks Taxo Erbitux
10/13 SND
10/13 TBO/Angiograph
10/13 RND Carotid Remove IORT 10Gy PNI
12/13 25 Protons 50Gy 6 Wks Carbo
11/14 All Teeth Extract 30 HBO
03/15 Sequestromy Buccal Flap ORN
09/16 Mandibulectomy Fib Flap Sternotomy
04/17 Regraft hypergranulation Donor Site
06/17 Heart Attack Stent
02/19 Finally Cancer Free Took 10 yrs
| | | | | Joined: Oct 2012 Posts: 1,275 Likes: 7 Assistant Admin Patient Advocate (1000+ posts) | | Assistant Admin Patient Advocate (1000+ posts)
Joined: Oct 2012 Posts: 1,275 Likes: 7 | Dear Cheryl, I am so sorry for your loss and the attendant problems. It must have been a really rough time for you. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Gloria
She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails... Elizabeth Edwards
Wife to John,dx 10/2012, BOT, HPV+, T3N2MO, RAD 70 gy,Cisplatinx2 , PEG in Dec 6, 2012, dx dvt in both legs after second chemo session, Apr 03/13 NED, July 2013 met to lungs, Phase 1 immunotherapy trial Jan 18/14 to July/14. Taxol/carboplatin July/14. Esophagus re-opened Oct 14. PEG out April 8, 2015. Phase 2 trial of Selinexor April to July 2015. At peace Jan 15, 2016.
| | | | | Joined: May 2013 Posts: 63 "OCF Kiwi Down Under" Supporting Member (50+ posts) | | "OCF Kiwi Down Under" Supporting Member (50+ posts)
Joined: May 2013 Posts: 63 | Oh Cheryl, that's terrible horrible news! My love is with you and I shed tears for you and your family...
Try to take peace in knowing that he is no longer in pain and you can remember the good times. Only time will heal...
Love to you from the other side of the world,
OCF Member, NZ
39yr old female, DX BOT SCC Stage IVA (T1N2bM0) HPV+
28 May 13 - Pharangoscopy & tongue biopsy
29 May 13 - BOT Surgery & right ND (lvls 2-5)
31 May 13 - Hemorrhage, emergency trach, critical care
BOT clr mgns, 9/67 nodes & extracapsular extension
Finished chemo (cisplatin) & 30 rads
| | | | | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 17 Member | | OP Member
Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 17 | Thank you all, your kind words mean so much.
Cheryl
1st post under(Introduce Yourself Re:I've waited too long)
Caregiver to Doug
Dx 8/31/10
Stage 4 HPV(?) SCC Tonsil, Tongue, Jaw and Lymph-nodes
98% Glossectomy
Bilateral Neck Dissection x 2
Trach and PEG indefinitely
Palliative weekly Chemo
Carboplatin-Pemetrexed-Erbitux
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