Hi Jen,
Please STOP and TAKE a breath. If you don't quit this hyperventilation, no sleep, elevated blood pressure routine you have gotten into, you won't even have to worry about stage IV cancer. You will be dead of a heart attack before your cancer doctors get to treat you. SLOW DOWN. Read this forum. The signatures of most participants contain their diagnosis and treatment and honest we are not all dead, even stage IV patients. Read the resource and treatment sections on the forum to get you informed so you can ask appropriate questions of the drs. Take someone with you to the appts and as my dr says, listen to what he has to say before bombarding him with questions. He has usually answered most of mine before I open my mouth.

I know you are suffering severe pain.I also don't like the fact this tumor is increasing in size. Can they accelerate your appts somehow.

Take care,
Eileen

Hi Jen and welcome to the forum. It wasn't that long ago that I felt just like you. I passed out when they gave me the diagnosis and told me to get my affairs in order. This phase is the worst and it will pass. I have been cancer free now for 2 years. Just became a VP for an international medical device company and life is exceeding my expectations. Cancer is NOT an automatic death sentence. Like Karen, I had chemo and IMRT radiation only and I am back to life not only normal but better than it was before. I have a new perspective that has enriched my life in countless ways. Don't freak out on the stats. Like has been already said - get thee to a comprehensive cancer center and don't short cut your treatment options. It will be a tough year or two but you CAN DO THIS! I also got meds for anxiety and those helped a great deal. Get some sleepers too - you need your strength for the fight. Develop a support network and be willing to allow people to gift you with their help. It's ok to be scared we all were. Read my survivor check in thread for some more positive reinforcement. We are here for you.

Jen, I am very new to this place as well. It was not that long ago my head was spinning out of control. The BAM BAM BAM, quickness and feeling totally out of control is tough. I actually got a phone call two days after being diagnosed saying I had a MRI at 2:15pm...it was already 2:20pm. Needless to say they wondered why I was late, but things happened like that up untill the surgery and then into treatment. It happens very fast and you do feel totally out of control. Keep positive, this just means they are doing everything possible to get you better again. I had 3 stays in the hospital over my chemo and radiation treatments. I kept letting my self get dehydrated. I am on top of that now and only have one radiation left. It is hard at the beginning but remember to ask lots of questions and bring someone with you if possible...4 ears are better than 2. Find support here or wherever you can. It is overwhelming...but it can be done. Take Care and KEEP POSITIVE!!!!

Jen: I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I'd like to suggest that you might want to ask your doctors for some medication to deal with anxiety attacks. The meds for anxiety/depression have improved tremendously in the last 5 years. As scientists learn more about the brain, they are finding a big relationshp between the mind & the body (surprise!) and our minds can create physical problems. You have a lot on your mind right now and because a cancer diagnosis is so overwhelming, you may need additional help with coping. Good meds can help you cope with the panic/anxiety that you are experiencing. Talk to your doctors and see what they recommend. Also, for physical pain, if you are in pain, say so. Doctors are not mind readers. Finally, it occured to me that your pre-diagnosis symptoms sound a lot like menapause (or perimenapause) so you might want to see your ob-gyn. Just add it to your list of doctor appts! :rolleyes:

Every day with your family is precious and is WORTH the fight. - Candace

Jen
Being diagnosed with cancer is not a death sentence, It can be beaten! I have had all the feelings you are having now, it was an emotional rollercoaster for me and I needed medication to cope at first. It was the toughest ride of my life.
Then I changed my attitude and said, (and with all my kids together) I promised them I was going to beat this. Two years later I

Jen,

There's not a thing you are feeling and mentioning that haven't been experienced by each and every one of us through our journey. Remember, as of the day of your diagnosis...you are a SURVIVOR, until they can prove otherwise.

Just like any other grieving process, there are distinct stages you will go through over and over. With the disease comes the great loss of many things you have learned to take for granted. Also with this disease, you will soon look back on this time and realize more than ever how fortunate you have been and are in life.

Ed

Hi, Jen.
There is nothing I can add to what everyone has told you. You already know what a great resource this site will be - and that everyone here is dedicated to helping you get through the next few months - and beyond.
My husband was diagnosed with Stage IV SCC last summer. I first posted here on Aug. 8, 4 days after his first chemo treatment. I am happy to say that 6 long, hard months later, the doctors have said none of the 55 lymph nodes removed on 12/10 show any signs of viable disease. "Normal" life seems a long way off, but we are focused on Tom's recovery and looking forward to many more years together. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, TOO! Your family will help, and so will we.
Love and sincere prayers,
Nicki

Jen,

I know, it all happens so quick - one day you are a normal healthy woman, and then, all of a sudden you are one of us!! This time last year I had no idea that I would ever get cancer - nobody in my family had had cancer, it just did not happen to us.
But it happened, and I learned that I can survive it. I even had the bizarre experience of having to be glad that I had oral cancer, because in a followup PET scan they found a kidney cancer that would have grown untreatable without any symptoms. Now I am recovering from a kidney operation, too, in addition to the after effects of radiation last May and June.

And life is good, and worth a big fight!!! I remember the radiation oncologist asking me if I was a strong person, because the radiation treatment would be rough. I felt like asking him, why, do I have a choice? You don't have a choice, you have to fight with all your energy, and your husband's and family's energy, too. And you will find out that you can do it, one little thing at the time. Give yourself permission to put everything you have into getting better, dont let yourself worry about unimportant things like laundry and dust and what you look like.
On the other hand, doing what you can to keep things going smoothly and comfortably, especially for the children, will keep you feeling better.

I ramble again, never mind.

Good luck, remember that everybody on this forum is pulling for you!

Leena

Jen

Just wanted to add my 2 cents, you have a fight on your hands, but remember you can do it. I was stage IV had surgery, chemo, and rad.in 2001
I'm coming up on 4 years. Set your mind to the fight and try not to lose the light at the end of the tunnel. I will be praying for you, hang in there!

Jen,
I'm thinking of you and praying for you. I am awaiting my biopsy results as I write this. I'm so frightened but no matter what I know I will fight; let's fight together!
Sending you love and strength across the miles.
MicheleT