Amy,

I also have a nineteen year old daughter, and a seventeen year old. My biggest fear when I was diagnosed was not being there for her her senior prom and graduation. I made it to both!

My daughters have been a wonderful support for me. I have photos matted and framed of daffodils that were blooming the day I got home from the hospital that my oldest did for her photography class. This year for Mother's Day she ordered Livestrong bracelets for all us and my coworkers that supported me through the last year.

The seventeen year old has become much more cuddly, agreeable, and I am "Mommy" again instead of "MOM!" or "MOTHER" in an angry tone. All of these little things have meant so much. They are both extremely busy and we can go all day without seeing each other, but they always call me if we don't do a face to face "I love you, have a great day."

Your attitude will help your father immensely. Stay positive for him, and lots of hugs and kisses are always in order! Do stuff for your mom without her asking, dishes or laundry or vacuuming. It all helps.

You and your family are in my prayers. Your dad is lucky to have you!

Sincerely,
Lisa

Hi amy! I just wanted to post to tell you hello! I am 23 and my father was diagnosed with stage 3 in the tonsils. It also hit my family very hard. One day he goes to the dr. for a sore throat, the next its cancer. He is now 8 weeks post-radiation/chemo. It is also very rough for him and he has been fighting depression among the many other things he is fighting. I try to be an inspiration for him and will do anything to make him smile! I always listen to him and how he is feeling and I don't get mad at him for being so down in the dumps, since i've never had cancer myslef. Or i try to mention something that he can try that may help (tho i don't think he listens). He is still pretty sick from his treatments, but starting to get his taste buds back slightly and the sore mouth and throat are slightly better. He just started having bad reflux at the moment, but we will soon kick that in the butt and i think his days will brighten!
please update us on how you and your father are doing! I just found this site also and am soo glad i did!
Jen

Amy, Welcome to the site. Sorry you had to find it. I had a cancer very similar to your Dad's. And my treatment appears very similar, though in different sequence. I had the tonsilectomy first, then chemo/radiation, then modified neck dissection with lymph node removal. Like your dad, I didn't want to know anything during treatment, feeling I could deal with whatever came up, but not the anticipation of what was going to happen. So I suggest you don't push him too much to get more information. I couldn't even go onto this site until after all of my chemo/rad treatments were done. Also, I didn't lose a noticable amount of hair during treatment, so maybe your dad won't either. I did lose some, but it wasn't noticable outside of the shower. The chemo treatment wasn't so bad, but the radiation was difficult at the end of treatment and a few weeks after, so anticipate his reaction to that. You are quite a daughter and I am sure your dad is proud of you. I have a 15 year old daughter and a 20 and 22 year old sons. If you want to communicate with them, just email me separately and I will give you their addresses. You will all be in my prayers and tell your dad that millions of us have made this same journey, so don't be too afraid of the outcome as it will all work out.

Hi Amy
Please use this board as much as YOU need, we will always be here, even if only to listen. Your Dad is not on his own in not wanting to know to many details, so it is really good that you are here and fact finding for him, I'm sure that all the imformation you can absorb will stand the whole family in good stead for the coming weeks. Remember also to take good care of YOU, it is very draining to be a caregiver.
Walk in sunshine when you can.. love and hugs
Helen

Dear Amy,Faith and Smilnjen...you kids are great.
This is not something that we as parents want our kids to have to deal with.
My daughter who was 29 at the time came home to live with her Dad and I for 2 months when he got sick . I would not have made it without her.
My husband and I made a bargain, he could deal with getting healthy and I would deal with everything else!
He still will not come on the board, has no wish to hear any negative news about anyone. His attitude was always..I am going to get better no doubt about it ...I used to print up anything that I felt was imperative for him to read but, the burying your head in the sand routine seemed to work for him!
Take all the advice you can find here, these folks have been thru it all.
For now try and get your Dad to bulk up, he needs every bit of weight he can get to help his body with this fight .
We will always be here for you.
Love
Marica
--------------
caregiver to husband Pete. SCC stage IV base of tongue, finished treatment 7/04 and doing great!

Wow, all of you are so wonderful and caring. I actually find it overwhelming really, but in a very good way.
My father is doing good..instead of just typing "My father " though I figured it was time to refer to him by name. His name is Jimmy. ( I'd go by Jimmy too if my first name was Sanford )
Since he got the teeth pulled on Wednesday, it's been very hard for him to eat. Obviously he couldn't just have the teeth "pulled" normally, he had to have his jaw bone ground down and have a flap of skin sown over where the teeth were. His face is very swollen, but getting much better. He keeps a cold compress on his face, but he wears his large snow gloves on his hands to keep them from getting cold. It's quite a sight!
Throughout all of this I hope that my humor helps my father. It's always been my way of coping with situations, and this one is no different.
I think for the first time in a few months my father actually gets most of the next week off from any doctor's appointments. He's been wanting to return to work for a while. Which I know will be very good for him.

Marica,
I know that my father needs to bulk up, but with the teeth being pulled and his mouth still..odd for a lack of a better word, from the surgery, we can't really find anything he can actually eat.
Sure, he drinks Boost and Ensure..eats canloads of Vienna Sausages, ( Hey, it's nutrition! =] )
But I would really like to find something that he can feel full on. Surely a human can't survive on processed meat alone.

Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Again, thank you all for your caring words and positive attitudes.
It really does help.

-Amy

Amy
Bob had the same eating trouble after he had eight teeth pulled before radiation.. he has found oatmeal with maple syrup is his new favorite food... he liked it before all this started ...he can't taste it now but he can smell it and he can swallow it better than even swallowing water three days after the end of treatment and feeling the worst to date. It seems to satisfy his belly and he's depended on it since surgery in june at least once a day...and this is a steak and potatoe guy. we also did macs and cheese regular and then in the blender...pretty much any pasta and creamy sauces seemed to work ...As did veggies in cheese sauce.... there are also ways to boost the calories in smoothies/shakes there are some good recipes in past posts...the eating thing is really hit or miss and will be for quite a while during and after treatment.. even when and if he gets a PEG (feeding tube)there are tips about how to make that most effective... it's a bit of trail and error but there is a wealth of info in past posts that have been a god send..use the sites search engine.When you have a question it works really well...(or just ask)...without it Bob and I would never have known how to approach pain management or the some of the side effect of medications that the nurses didn't discuss ( like constipation)You are very cool to this for Dad..As to humor that's how I cope too and sometimes my humor can be pretty dark but it's what my husband is used to and he wouldn't have it any other way cause then I wouldn't be me and that would be too wierd ( my bad jokes are sometimes a helpful bit of normal)..Prayin for all of you... Peace Denise

hi there, I thought I'd just mention something my dad used to say for his Chemo/rad. treatments. He called radiation "star wars," and chemo "juiced up." our family loved it to hear my dad use humor and whenever he smiled or laugh it would make us sooooo very happy! Hope everyone is doing well.

Amy,

A few of us were off galavanting to Vegas and are back now. I am glad to hear "your father" (Sanford...aka Jimmy) is moving around and getting back to work. A body in motion tends to stay in motion as Sir Isaac proved. You may even tell him that I ate a bunch of spaghetti for a few months. I still have bottles of Ragu and packages of spaghetti left over from when the other foods started coming around. Everything will taste different for a while. I had all my back teeth pulled and the dentist told me that you only use your back teeth for 30% of the chewing action. I still don't believe her but I seemed to have gotten back to eating everything (in sight now). I lost about 70 lbs and started back gaining after about 7 months and still can't stop it.

I am hoping your father gets back to his old self as soon as possible. It may be slower than what he wants, though.

I am so glad other "children" of survivors have chimed in. All of you are so awesome to share your experiences so us old folks can hear what it was like from your perspective. Thanks a bunch!

And remember Amy, if there is anything you need locally, just holler.

Ed

Amy,
Your father will figure out ways to eat. It's what we all do when faced with a difficult situation.........we figure it out by looking outside the box. Mashed potato, baked potato, all soups, anything in a blender. The list goes on and on. It's more our mind frame that we have to change, we have to accept the fact that we cannot eat as we used to. Once that fact is accepted our mouths will amaze us with how it can manage food. Krispy Creme donuts were a hit with me!
Take care,
Minnie