Hi - What a wonderful site - It's is truly a great place to read other peoples experiences. Here's mine. My father was diagnosed in December '01 with stage 4 squamus cell carcinoma in his jaw (left side). He had chemo and rad. therapy, and a 10 hour surgery to remove the tumor, and replace his jaw with a titanium pin from his chin to his left ear. He had a couple of surgeries to reconstruct his face, but the treatment has left him disfigured. I'm writing here today because I think our whole family is a bit frustrated with him. It's been over 2 years since his surgery (they got the cancer 100%!) He's so different now, that we're at a loss. He used to be very active, worked construction for 30+ years, and now we can't get him to do anything anymore. He won't come to his grandson's baseball games, he won't go to family gatherings unless forced to by my mom, and he sits at home all day long reading/watching tv. He won't even clean or pick up around the house. We try to by considerate, he's been through a terrible ordeal, he's tired, he can't eat solid foods, he has absolutely no saliva left, and his neck is so sore that he sleeps in a recliner. Our attitude is, you beat it! Start living! and he just won't DO anything. Help! Is this going to get better? What do we do to help?
Don't get me wrong - I love my dad and I support him 100%, I just wish he would try to enjoy the 2nd chance he was given.

Kim

Hello Kim, Welcome! I am no psycologist but from my own experience the effects of this disease and the treatments affect more than just body. Many people suffer a tremendous blow to their mind and spirit as well. I would not be surprised if your father is suffering from depression. The effects of treatment could still be causing his tiredness but it might also be a problem with his Thyroid (caused by radiation). I found it a considerable amount of real work to keep ahead of physical and mental challenges, a person sometimes really has to lift themselves by the bootstraps! Sometimes we need outside help with that lifting.

My suggestion is that you get an appointment with his regular doctor and go with your father. Tell your observations to the doc. Ask for a thyroid test (simple blood test) and ask for options about dealing with his mind and spirit. There are many effective anti-depression treatments. I think with your continued support you can help him out of this.

Dear Kim,

You couldn't have voiced my family's concern, or my own any better.

My husband worked his way up in thirty years from carpenter-wanna-be to General Superintendent for a large commercial builder.

Only to find himself with two wonderful boys, and this disease at age 48.

I don't mean to generalize, but it seems this type of man grows up tough, parties hard, settles down and then succeeds. Just when they've reached their goal does the past come back to haunt.

I may be totally off the mark in your case, and if I've inferred anything negative, I apologize.

Dennis was always the guy who made it good. Showed everybody he could make it....only to be struck down with this cancer.

He is still depressed, losing weight and his treatment was over a year and a half ago.....still drinks like it will save him somehow.

My only advice, if this seems to be your case at all, is to continue to love him and tell him everyday what a pioneer he is.

Without these guys, the rest of the world couldn't build a friggin' working bathroom.

Love,
Mandi

I checked off too early...

Dennis has also talked to his doctors about his depression. It wasn't easy for him to accept but he takes Zoloft and it seems to help alot.

Sorry, I didn't mean to keep this from my main post.

Mandi