Hi Tina,

Saw your post on our introduction and I wanted to give you some insight into what we are going through.

Wife had a Stage IV cancer with one side of her lymph nodes affected and recently went through surgery.

The only difference was that 1 week prior to surgery, she gave birth to a boy which was a huge mission in itself!

Despite our concerns about how she would recover from two major events in the space of a week, she is currently watching tele right next to me having a laugh while enjoying a chocolate thickshake - this is just 2 weeks after the glossectomy which removed 3/4 of her oral tongue + a radical neck dissection as well!

I say this because I know we were daunted by the uncertainty around the surgery but were pleasantly surprised that things were a lot better than the doom and gloom scenario / script we were writing up in our heads.

Worrying and fearing about something that is beyond your control will only make the situation worse so stay positive and keep your chin up!

We will make sure that our prayers are with you during this uncertain phase and wish you all the best with your upcoming surgery.

Hey Tina - try terronis - Italian - awesome food reasonable price. It's on Adelaide in the heart of TO... I'm a veg head so I like fresh (there are several) where are you staying?

Thanks all, got the surgery date - October 11 (a bit quicker than the 4 weeks they were telling me), so it's coming up quick.

Had a hot dog at the ball park which was awesome, and watched my Jays take 2 of 4 from the Yankees!

Back to work in a few hours, to rearrange my schedule, sigh...it's going to be a long day.

Tina,

My first surgery is the same day as yours - October 11 and second is October 24. Soon!

Good luck on the 11th that's my sons bday! You'll scare yourself in the mirror for a week or so - eventually you'll feel like you! hugs! Seeing the jays tomorrow night! :

Karen, that sucks that you have 2 dates, they are doing mine all together - 14 hours. I should call Tim Burton to put me in one of his movies! Good luck to you and me both!

Thanks Cheryl, I'm oddly looking forward to it, to get it done. I'm bored with waiting. Hoping they make sure there are no little hairs on my forearm, it would drive me crazy to feel like I have a hair on my tongue the rest of my life...

We seem to be connected. I *love* Tim Burton movies. I've been telling everyone I'm going to be Frankenstein for Halloween this year. A couple of years ago with the mds, it was Dracula.

I'm not unhappy about the two dates. I'll possibly be in the hospital only overnight each time. My surgeon says I will not have a trach either, just a breathing tube during the actual surgery. It will be hell to go for the second when I'm barely feeling a little better from the first though.

October's always been my favorite month. Our 28th wedding anniversary is Oct 11 and Oct 24 is two days before my 59th birthday. My husband, Michael, gives me a small gift (often silly or macabre) every day from our anniversary to my birthday since I love Halloween, too.

I am with you all the way - I was looking at Bride of Frankenstein costumes just yesterday. Really, all I will need is the dress and the bolts!

So glad to hear your husband joins you in the same sense of humour. My parents are having a hard time with it, so I have to be careful not to make jokes with them. They are flying in this week, and staying for a month, thankfully, they head back home on the 30th - Just in time for Halloween!

Your husband sounds like a gem - congrats on keeping it together for so long, it is a real accomplishment. As a divorce lawyer it's hard not to get a bit jaded about marriage - thus I have remained single!

Any ideas on how to calm my parents down? I just found out that they called my best friend to see if I was "faking good" to them.

I have tried to reassure them that while I am stubborn and independant, I'm not stupid, and will ask for help. While awaiting surgery there is not much that anyone else can do for me at the moment.

I'm just not sure how to help them through this.

Just let them do anything they try to do. Buy stuff, clean stuff, organize stuff...just go with it. They will need to keep busy. Make/Let them feel needed. Start a honey do list today. There has to be a few things your dad can work on while he's there? The hardest thing for the caregiver is to feel helpless. I kept busy taking care of our 3 kids and my 87 year old mom, could NOT imagine not having that distraction.
Go for walks with them. Go out to dinner while you can. Let them treat you to your favorites. Live it up!! ;o)
Seriously though, keep them busy. When they see you in person they will see how positive you are and it will ease their minds.
Kathy