I just wanted to thank everyone for reminding me that I must continually review my sensitivity. It was never my intention to be rude, judgemental or pompous. I answer on average over 100 posts a month and sometimes it wears on me. There are times I need to rest from this because I have to relive my own fears on a daily basis. An hour from now I will be back at the head & neck surgeon for yet another 2 month followup.

When I was first given my diagnosis in 2002 I fainted in the ENT's office. Unfortunately, since I have worked in the radiological medical device field for over 3 decades, I knew what to expect. I have been to hospitals and watched an endless parade of cancer patients being rolled into the treatment rooms for radiation. I have watched people die in the middle of radiation therapy on the treatment couch. 550,000 Americans die each year from cancer. It challenges heart disease as the leading cause of death. Do I hate this disease? Do I have a "righteous" anger about cancer? Absolutely. It took my father (non-Hodgkins Lymphoma), my sister (lung cancer), my best friend (who was Dx'd the same day I was) of pancreatic cancer, my stepmother (lung cancer). My mother had breast cancer, melanoma and uterine cancer (even 2 of my dogs have had cancer). I have watched too many people die here who were improperly diagnosed, improperly treated or had bad health habits. It was when I was working for Siemens Medical Labs (who ironically manufactured the LINAC that I was treated on) that I decided to quit smoking, vowing to never want to be in the same situation as those patients I saw (of course lung cancer was main concern - I never even considered oral cancer).

I was an alcoholic for 48 years, a drug addict for 38 years and a 2 pack a day smoker at one time. I understand addiction and how difficult it is to quit. The last thing thing I want to do is be judgemental of someone else. I do find it necessary to point out denial from time to time. Sometimes it is right there in front of you and you just can't see it. One of the hard learned suggestions I got from Alcoholics Anonymous is that "we must be willing to go to any lengths" and that "half measures avail us nothing". I found that these applied quite well to cancer also. I also learned about "staying in the now" and "living one day at a time". If you can do this -fear becomes much more manageable.

Like Brian, I am trying to do everything I can to change the statistics by sharing information, by early detection and by sound, proven diagnostics and treatment.

When I was in the ENT's office that first time he informed me, after the ammonia popper, that I should get my affairs in order, that I had a very serious, advanced, life threatening cancer. He was actually angry with me for waiting so long to deal with the tumor. It was hard hearing this and it forced me into action to discover what all of the diagnostic and treatment possibilities were. I thanked him later -it probably saved my life.

One of my of close friends is a clinical research oncologist so I don't get all of my information from internet searchs as has been suggested. I am a cancer survivor and the knowledge I share is mainly from my own experience, strength and hope.

If I offended you or made the forum look bad any way, I do apologize.

If I spurred you into making sure that the disease is stamped out, that recurrence is more distant of a possibility, that you will live long and prosper and be on the positive side of the survival statistics than I can accept being called "rude" or "pompous".

I will keep you in my daily prayers as I do all of the other cancer survivors and caregivers here.

God bless.

Gary,

Sorry, I guess I'm a little stressed and my historically thick NY skin is wearing thin. Clearly, you devote much time and effort to this site.

Glenn

Gary,

I have held you in the highest regard from the moment I met you last December. I have the utmost respect for you and the service you are doing in His name for others to gain knowledge and courage to fight this beast we all have. As I read your post today, I kicked you up a notch, even! God has truly blessed me to cross paths with all the folks on this forum. I have learned more, I have asked more questions, I have taken a more active role in my survival. Thanks to all!

Ed

Gary, thank you so much for sharing, I came close to fainting when I was told it was cancer, I know exactly how you felt. The docs got me water and my husband and I just sat there numb. Thank you again for sharing all that you have been thru, God Bless You and Keep Looking Up!!!!! Carol

Hey, Gary, don`t worry about it, I`ve gotten myself deleted with my less than perfect attitude.....Frank was a recovering alcoholic also,yesterday he got his news letter from the Caron Foundation,..... had a good article about compassion in it. I think lots of times if we discover a path that works for us we think everyone should just say ,yes, you`re right..........I know when I found Buddhism, I though everyone should just be Buddhist............I also understand addiction from a healthcare point, since I`ve done lots of rehab nursing.........anyhow. Ive been scolded and deleted........Hugs, Dee

Gary,

I bonded with you the moment I met you last December when I logged onto the site. You are truly an inspiration to many and have helped me through many a difficult times and helped set my mind at ease on multiple occasions. I understand you and do not find what you say too harsh. My sister still smokes and I wanna kick her in the butt everyday for it but there just isn't a darn thing I can do to make her stop. Even watching our mom go through this she has cut back and since she stays at my house during the week to watch my little one she doesn't smoke at all during the week but she lights up those cigarettes on the weekends at her house. I don't really have an understanding of addiction but I do think that seeing somebody go through the battle with oral cancer would definately be an incentive to quit.

Thank you for all your wise and informative posts!
Danielle

I am so happy I was away from the board for a day and look at all the fun I missed!

Gregg, Is the lung cancer related to your oral C or is this a new case of something?

Gary,

You are a truly special person and an inspiration in this site.

Stephany

I love Gary's posts. To the point. Informative and no suger coating. Sometimes we need to hear the truth. I see nothing wrong with stirring the pot up every now and then!!!
He was my first contact after my dx last July. I learned more from him than any other source.

Still would like to see a OCF reunion. Middle of the country, planned say 6 months out, Would love to meet all the members of OCF. Not fair to ask Brian to organize it. Any takers?

Dan, I was just thinking the same thing today about a reunion........middle of the country, wouldn`t that be great.....I`ll be in Alabama, absolutely no organizational skills, but sure willing to help out any way I can.......it would truly be wonderful to give some real hugs, instead of all the cyber hugs we send out.....I`m with you on this one............Dee