Kerri, Thank you for your reply and the link to the Comprehensive Centers. I knew she wouldn't change now for anything because she trusts these doctors, but when I clicked on the link hers was the first center listed! Yeah! She's already going to one! She's at the Chao Cancer Center at UC Irvine. No wonder they are fabulous!
The other doctor was through the hospital closer to her house and not a cancer center.

That's great news! Best of luck!

Well, we went to the tumor board meeting today. Several doctors and residents came in, then we waited for about an hour. The resident came in and told us that are rating it a T4B and they are recommending chemo and radiation. We asked a few more questions but she says a definite no for doing treatment. We'll see the medical oncologist on Monday and get more details and probably begin the process for hospice care.

Laurie,

I'm so sorry to hear this. I take it that the treatment and side effects are not what you mother is willing to endure? Perhaps speaking with the MO on Monday will give her some hope.

Good luck on Monday.

You'll be in my thoughts,
Kerri

Kerri, Yes, it was bad enough thinking about the prospect of radiation therapy but she does not feel she could handle chemo. My dad went through chemo before losing his battle with lung cancer years ago.
Right now she is barely able to stand the difficulty she is having on the feeding tube - the reflux, the feeling her heart is racing, then a feeling of crashing and needing to sleep. She is down from her regular weight of 116 to current weight of about 102. We haven't been able to get more than 950 calories in her any day since she got the feeding tube.
We love her and we'll handle this somehow.

Thank you for sharing, Laurie. Again, I'm very sorry.

Im so sorry Laurie!

Please try the feeding pump and ideas I have suggested, it really will make a difference in her intake.

Can you get a second opinion for your mother?

Look I'm not as old as your Mom so I won't pretend to put myself in her shoes but after reading thousands and thousands of recants from people going thru her proposed Tx and after reading the 10 or so recants of people succuming to this cancer, I definately would choose trying the Tx vs dying by this cancer. Your Mom is being told of the possible side effects from chemo/rad but has anyone really been frank with her on how one dies with this cancer? Is is a slow, extremely painful, disfiguring, horrible way to die and dealth is always welcomed. I personally would take my own life rather than die by this cancer. Sorry to bring this up.

Laurie

David and I have different perspectives on the issue of 75 and over patients getting TX when they will not be robust and independent after TX. As a person with a feeding tube for life, your mother's problems now, before any TX do not bode well for her doing well during or after TX. The pump should help but if she is having nausea now then it will be even worse during TX. For some reason, this issue has come up a lot these last few months and always raised by concerned loving children/caregivers. Each time I stress that this is the parent's decision, not the child's. Please do not let yourself be bullied or coerced into thinking that you are somehow less loving or devoted if you honor your mother's wish to decline TX.
Radiation and chemo are very very hard and without some compelling reason to fight and suffer (dependents, spouse, etc) and a possibility of some semblance of quality of life after the TX, choosing hospice is a reasonable decision.
The key is making sure that the hospice is not drinking the DEA kool aid and is willing to do maximum morphine and opiates to the point of putting the patient unconscious the majority of the time.
I should disclose my bias here, my mother had a terminal illness and she was so glad that I intervened when the doctors wanted to their usual "heroic" efforts which would have only prolonged her life enough to die in a nursing home, no longer independent instead of joining my Dad in Heaven. Take a look at the OCF main web page on Hospice Care OCF-Hospice. The down side is that hospice is harder on the caregivers than the patient when properly done.
I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
Charm

Laurie

Perhaps this excerpt will help your peace of mind
[quote]Now you asked about how she will die. First of all, important to say that 98% of pain from cancer is manageable. There are lots of medications to try and no limit to the amount she can receive. If she is enrolled in a hospice, that will assure that she receives state of the art pain management. She may develop shortness of breath but that also is manageable. She can receive oxygen and medications that will decrease her sense of being short of breath. In caring for hospice patients for 25 years, I never saw any patient with oral cancer that was not kept comfortable. Research is showing that cancer patients who enroll in hospice both live longer and are more satisfied than those cancer patients who did not enroll in hospice. Hospice offers hope for comfort and quality of life and patients with a prognosis of 6 months or less are eligible.
I hope that she is kept comfortable and that your family gets the help that they need. [/quote]
Here is a link to the web site Stage IV oral cancer Hospice I liked the fact that the woman who wrote it, Betsy Murphy lists her qualifications on the left side and recommends this OCF forum as the best source of information.
Charm