Hi Wendy.
I feel like you do. But I have a negative husband, now has a huge fear of the cancer returning. That is what does my head in. I try by best to remind him of all the positive news he has received from Dr's etc, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. Rod was a concreter, and even after 2 years since diagnoses, and even that he is in remission, even I can't see a possibility of him going back to do what he used to do. He isn't trained to do any thing else. He is fatigued most of the time, and sleeps most of the days unless we have appts we have to attend. I get very lonely. I wish he would get it into his head all the good things, but I'm not in his body, and as they say, no 2 patients are alike. I am glad for you and especially Steve, and very happy for you both and your new future up north, just wish sometimes I had a magic wand. Funny, we are at the opposite end of the spectrum - No one else in our lives understands that radiation is the gift that keeps on giving, and we have been told by Docs, oncologists etc that everything Rod goes through daily - pain, nausea, fatigue etc, might never go away. All I need is a brick wall myself, or a tug of war rope!!....Anyways, I am happy for you both, and you both GO FOR IT!!!!!

xxxxxxx

Jeanna, does Rod have any interest that keeps his mind and even his hands occupied of a day. I know this may seem an odd question but if he has nothing to keep his mind off bad things then that's not going to help. As crazy as this sounds I think the fact that Steve plays computer games gives him something to do. He, like Rod did a very physical "man's" job. He doesn't work now but is hoping to once we return home, even if just part time. But in the mean time he plays computer games. If the weather is good he gets outside in the yard but when it's crappy (which is all the time lately) he puts his mind to his games. It's a hobby but I truly believe it's help give him something other than cancer to focus on. We go for walks too which I find for me helps immensely. If we were to sit all day with nothing to do but sit and think about cancer then both Steve and I would go downhill. That's also why I study from home. It gives me something positive to focus on.

Plus in my mind I have to stay upbeat. Steve and I are best mates. If I lose it, then it will effect him and that is the last thing I want to happen. So if I remain upbeat and positive then so does he. Some days it's not easy to do but I still do it. The last thing I want is for him to have a wife that is sad all the time. I know Steve and he would blame himself for me being sad. I can't do that to him, he has enough to deal with already without taking on my sadness.

Is there anything Rod or you would like to study while you are at home. The universities in Australia are crying out for mature aged students and you can study from home at your own pace. It's something to look into, something to put your minds too. Just anything at all. There must be something that makes Rod smile. Just need to find it and then lead him to it. You will both get there. You must stay positive. You have been to hell and back and you are both here. That takes an amazing amount of strength. Look at what you guys have achieved, not at what you have lost. We have all lost things because of this but we are still here so that's what's important. Even volunteer work for Rod might be good. Something to build his confidence and self worth back up a bit. Don't know if any of these idea's help but worth thinking about.

Life is short and we just have to grab it. I don't want to look back at this time and think there was no happiness in it. Yeah it's been crap in many ways but also there have been some amazingly happy days while we've been battling cancer. Happy days that maybe once I wouldn't have even taken the time to notice. But there's fear there too, especially about our move. I'm moving away from my support network (as little as it is) and a long way away too. Not just up the road. But we just can't live our life being ruled by all the things that could go wrong. What if nothing goes wrong and we sat in a place we weren't happy and missed out on everything. Just got to grab the chance while we can and make the most of it, wishing, praying and hoping that the final outcome will be happiness.

Hope this helps Jeans xo

Anne Marie - I would take a photo of your son with a big grin, relay his present story in a card to her and then tell her that she's obviously not all that bright! But nicely... Terminal my butt, really you should explain to her how you and he felt that day sometimes a wakeup call is needed.
Hugs!

Wens, you are a legend....xxx

Good for you Wendy!

my dad had melanoma in the 90s and it wasn't likely he'd survive. he kicked it's ass and outlived his oncologist. there are still people today that will run into him, particularly at funerals, and some have been dim enough to say, "i thought you died." i don't think people mean to be cruel, or at least i hope not.

wanted to add a ps to this: yesterday my dad got a long voicemail from an old friend who went on re the details about how he heard he's sick, with the ending, "i hope you get better, if you can"

The nice thing about those kinds of perhaps well-meaning but unkind or unpleasant voicemails or messages is that you can always DELE TE them and think about the more positive ones!

The Big C with Laura Linny on Showtime has been a weekly escape for me. Funny and spot on.

The Big C is an awesome show! We were watching it before the husband got his diagnosis and now it has much more meaning.

As for some days I feel like screaming..well most days I feel that way..my husband has always been sort of stand offish even to me..and now with this cancer crap he is even more so. It seems as if nothing I say or do is right..I have just about hit my breaking point.I go to the gym to workout my frustrations, feeling great and then walk through the door and it's back to square one. Wish his family lived closer, we are in Florida..his brother lives in California and his Mother lives in London Ontario.

My friends all say.."call us if you need us"..yeah okay. Okay, my rant for the day is done, time to hit the gym and possibly the punching bag. Have a great day ~

Yikes you don't just need the gym you need a spa day too! Hit one fast - have a massage - facial - lunch then go home pop in some ear buds and party by yourself. If he asks what you're doing tell him, he's welcome to join you in your happy place but he's not allowed to poop in the corner... Maybe he'll get the message. He may have had to deal with cancer but he still has a brain and should know better. If he doesn't he needs reminding that you are on his side - not his enemy! Hugs!