Rod thinks his cancer has returned at the base of his tongue. He is very negative. I am going to call the oncologist on Monday to make an appt for them to check it out. He is feeling very unwell. I am doing the best I can, but it's very frustrating at times. I talk to people and tell them what Rod wants, and when someone asks what Jeanna wants, I have no answer. I am seeing my psychiratrist next week, think my meds will have to be increased, because at this point I don't want to be here. Same feelings, different day. How can I get him to be more positive about life?? At this point, he just wants to lay down & die. I just don't know how to deal with this.....

I'm so sorry, Jeanna for what you are both having to go through. Do you have somebody close by that you can talk to? Or just to be with for a hug? It's good your appointment with the psychiatrist is coming up very soon. You do have to think about you and what you need to be able to be strong and help someone else. Bringing someone up from a very sad or dark place cannot be done all at once. It takes very small, slow steps. When my son was at his lowest point in his recovery, I would ask him "On a scale of 1-10 where are you?" and when he answered with a "2", I would ask him to try and work on a 3. And other times, seeing him sitting on the edge of the couch, bent way over with his head in his hands, all I could do was hold him close, telling him how much I cared and that things would get better. But you cannot help Rod get to a good place unless you help yourself, first - maybe do something physical, go outside, whatever it is that you like to do. Being a CG is sometimes so difficult and all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and try different things to see what works for you. I hope things improve soon for both you and Rod. Keep in touch and let us know what is happening.

Jeanna,

Anne-Marie sure gave some great advice. It is easy as a Caregiver to fall into the trap of feeling guilt when our words and actions seem to have little effect. We're supposed to have all the answers, right? Wrong! Sometimes just being there is enough, and other times nothing seems to work. Be kind to yourself. We are not supermen/women. The stronger you are, the better able you will be to handle these difficult times. It is so good that you see a professional. Give yourself a break now and then and get away for a walk, window shopping, a movie, a coffee with a friend. Rod will be fine for an hour or two. Hang in there.

Anita

Keep holding on, my friend. Remember that there are people who love and care for you. Please be sure to talk to your doctor early on Monday--don't wait until your appointment. I called you earlier and left a message. I hope you are out getting a little fresh air to help chase away the pain.

Tell Rod what everyone here tells anyone who is worried about a spot or scan...it isn't cancer until a biopsy says it is cancer. I know he has been through so much. And, it is always going to be a worry that it has or will come back. Please try to give him some things to be hopeful about--he's getting his teeth soon! That is amazing! There are the children in his life and his beautiful daughters. He has a beautiful and amazingly wonderful wife. And, he will have the chance to pay me back for all the whacks to the head I've been telling you to give him for me! He won't want to miss my visit! I'm sure he'd like to give me some whacks to the head. It would probably do me some good!

If it turns out to be something...then you two will deal with it with the love and support of your OCF family, and other friends and family. There are plenty of people here who have been through the recurrence tunnel and have come out the other side as survivors. Rod can too. But, try not to let your mind go there. Remember, no one has looked at any cells. So, it isn't cancer yet.

Love ya!

Sandy
xoxox