The final piece of my diagnostic puzzle came in yesterday. The biopsies that were done along with my tonsillectomy two weeks ago reveal that the primary tumor was on the left tonsil, not the base of tongue. (On the base of tongue is a small white mass that's not cancerous.) This makes my official diagnosis now squamous cell carcinoma of the left tonsil metastatic to left lymph node. The tumor was very small, they said, T-1, and the margins were good so they think it is now gone.

The other news that came this week was that the doctors at Dana-Farber, where we went for a second opinion yesterday, concur fully with the cancer center at Baystate Hospital in Springfield with everything from diagnosis to prognosis to treatment. This eases my mind a great deal. Dana-Farber is two hours from my house, in the middle of Boston, while Baystate is 25 minutes with easy parking. Yet, Dana-Farber is one of the best cancer centers in the country. It would have been a tough decision if Dana-Farber had not agreed with my local hospital.

Friday I get my feeding tube put in (hip hip hurrah) and Monday or Tuesday (waiting for confirmation) I start radiation and chemo. So, all my ducks are now in line, or however the saying goes. I feel more relaxed than I did when I first joined this forum a few weeks ago. I am pretty well healed from the tonsillectomy and the thrush is now gone (thankfully). I am getting used to being locked in my radiation mask and prepared for all the side effects of the chemo and radiation, or as prepared as I can be. I am lucky to be on paid medical leave from teaching this semester and to have a lot of support from my family and friends. And I am lucky to have found you all. I try to see the positive all around me because it is too easy to get trapped in negative thinking. But today I feel good, which is why it's a little easier to accentuate the positive! I admit that. I will try to remember the way I feel today when things get tough, as I have been told they will. Thanks for listening.

Hi Michelle Ann,

I'm happy to hear you now have of your ducks in a row..that is a good feeling. You have a wonderful outlook and that is so important. I also like to remind people it's ok to feel scared sometimes...we're only human.

I have not had the same treatment that you will have but as you probably already know plenty of people here have. I do look forward to helping you in any way I can through your treatment though..I have a good ear!!

Oh, yes, very true what you say about being scared. I have been mostly scared since I first heard the word "cancer" one month ago. Funny, now that I have the official diagnosis and everything in place, I feel less scared. But I am sure that when the side effects begin, the pain and discomfort, my fears will return. Congrats on becoming a mother. I have three kids: a nine year old daughter and twin boys age 4 and a half. Lots of fun. They keep me laughing. -Michelle

You will be ok Michelle and we are here for you every step of the way. I can imagine being a mother and going through this makes it that much harder. Hang in there and enjoy those cuties!! Everyone gets scared..that's just the way it is:)

Michelle, I read your post with relief because I'd recalled there was so much uncertainty. Having a definite diagnosis and a plan is very stabilizing. That said, abject terror is pretty much unavoidable. But it will lessen.

We're all here for you, whatever you need. You're showing tremendous courage. I know you're going to come through it and out the other side.

David 2