| | Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 Gold Member (200+ posts) | OP  Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 | Ark doesn't have a baker act I can call for... I don't know who to call. My family is NO support. His is too far away. We don't have a church family to turn to. The local "hope cancer resource" has told me he has to request help himself, me calling wont put anything into action.
Is this normal venting/expression of the fear and anger of a cancer patient?
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 Gold Member (200+ posts) | | OP Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 | And... as a parent (he's the step dad)... when does it cross the line that my child shouldn't be around this shit?
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
| | | | | Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Administrator, Director of Patient Support Services Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Jun 2007 Posts: 10,507 Likes: 7 | If someone is threatening to kill people then its a mattter for the police.
ChristineSCC 6/15/07 L chk & by L molar both Stag I, age44 2x cispltn-35 IMRT end 9/27/07 -65 lbs in 2 mo, no caregvr Clear PET 1/08 4/4/08 recur L chk Stag I surg 4/16/08 clr marg 215 HBO dives 3/09 teeth out, trismus 7/2/09 recur, Stg IV 8/24/09 trach, ND, mandiblctmy 3wks medicly inducd coma 2 mo xtended hospital stay, ICU & burn unit PICC line IV antibx 8 mo 10/4/10, 2/14/11 reconst surg OC 3x in 3 years very happy to be alive  | | | | | Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts) | | Senior Patient Advocate Patient Advocate (old timer, 2000 posts)
Joined: Sep 2006 Posts: 8,311 | I would at least share this conversation(s) with the local police, maybe even the FBI just to see if I could get someone to scare the s..t out of him. JMHO
David
Age 58 at Dx, HPV16+ SCC, Stage IV BOT+2 nodes, non smoker, casual drinker, exercise nut, Cisplatin x 3 & concurrent IMRT x 35,(70 Gy), no surgery, no Peg, Tx at Moffitt over Aug 06. Jun 07, back to riding my bike 100 miles a wk. Now doing 12 Spin classes and 60 outdoor miles per wk. Nov 13 completed Hilly Century ride for Cancer, 104 miles, 1st Place in my age group. Apr 2014 & 15, Spun for 9 straight hrs to raise $$ for YMCA's Livestrong Program. Certified Spin Instructor Jun 2014.
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 Gold Member (200+ posts) | | OP Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 | The police figured it was just a phase of grief and that the cancer docs would know what to do.
Doc said call 911, but he's taken off in his car and I don't know where he went. I guess the cops could put out apb and find him for a chat.
Lord knows how he'll be when he gets back home from that though.
I'm afraid of that part.
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
| | | | | Joined: May 2010 Posts: 135 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: May 2010 Posts: 135 | Oh CM, my heart is going out to you. Glad you called the police and reported his threats. If he brings home a gun, please do whatever is necessary to ensure your safety and the safety of family. Also, I hate to bring this up, but as a person who lost a dad and father-in-law to suicide, that is also a possibility, especially if a gun is in the home. Both my dad and father committed suicide due to pain and/or chronic illness. They were in their 60s and 70s repectively. I don't recall seeing ages on your posts but just want you to have a heads up on that possiblity.
If you ask him point blank to share his thoughts and feelings about his condition, what he wants, what he expects, do you think he will answer? While a conversation about death is uncomfortable, I think it's important for you to know exactly where he stands and also to make sure he can commit to not harming you, your child and himself.
Just want to stress again the importance of protecting yourself and your child.
D
Aunt diag. 2/4/10 with SCC Stage I/II on left side of tongue. Surgery 2/19/10 part. gloss./neck diss. on left side/free flap from chest muscle. TI/II,NO,MO. Clear margins with perineural invasion. Started rads 4/8/10 - 35 treatments, finished 5/26/10.
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 Gold Member (200+ posts) | | OP Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 | D - I am so sorry to learn of your losses. I will definitely take action should he bring home any firearm. I will try to approach the subject of suicide with him. I know that he walks around saying "just kill me" all the time, so the thought must have passed through his mind. He is 53.
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
| | | | | Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 126 Senior Member (100+ posts) | | Senior Member (100+ posts)
Joined: Sep 2009 Posts: 126 | Your county should have a Community Mental Health Agency. They are the ones that are able and responsible for doing a mental health committment. They at least can let you know if he meets the criteria for a committment. A committment is usually for at least 72 hours, where he can be evaluated and started on medication. The local hospital will know who serves your county. Ones the paper work is filled out law enforcement then has the authority to pick him up. Praying that he will get the help he needs to deal with what lies ahead.
Sharon
Sharon, 57; Hard Palate; T1, High Grade, DX 6-12-09, Surgery, maxillectomy 7-14-09, 33 RT (9-2-09 to 10-19-09); Prothesis (obturator). None smoker, non drinker.
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 Gold Member (200+ posts) | | OP Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 | Well... not a hospital, but he's now in jail til monday morning. Its been a crazy freaking night of mood swings accusations and misunderstandings that ended with me pinned to a wall scared out of my mind and then him leaving before the police could arrive.
THEN he calls and wants to talk things out with me.
Very long story short, he's locked up until he sees a judge Monday morning. Told me I was a psycho b**** as they cuffed him.
I am dreading Monday afternoon. I am sad for the man I love, and terrified of the man he became tonight. But at least we are all safe for tonight.
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
| | | | | Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 Gold Member (200+ posts) | | OP Gold Member (200+ posts)
Joined: Jul 2009 Posts: 280 | and i feel like i am wrong for doing this to him on top of all he is facing... i NEVER thought i would be this girl.
This girl, scared out of her mind, and now feeling sorry for the one that scares her.
But cancer complicates everything i suppose...
CG to my husband, Matt. Dx June 2009 Stage IV Oropharengeal SCC right tonsil primary with distant metastases. Rad to neck- Surgeries to lungs- Every avail chemo - ran out of options Jan 2012, called for hospice help Feb 2012, at rest March 19, 2012.
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