Well actually its been 8 months since my last surgery. My doctor said everything looks great, nothing suspisious. So I am greatful for that. Some you you know I had been struggleing with fear and anger recently, maybe this will help. I was almost having a panic attack while waiting to see her in the office yesterday. I hope I can be more confident now, and live life with less fear and anxietey. It keeps me from living life how I truly want to. From time to time I experience like flash backs to times during my illness, like when I went back to the doctor after my first surgery and she told me that we didn't get clear margins, and we had to start over.Then the same thing happend after my 2nd surgery. Or at my last surgury, I was in the hopsital after my partial-glossectomy (entire left side) and I couldn't close my mouth as my tongue was to swollen, I was trying to rinse and spit all the gook out of my mouth, I looked in the mirror and there seemed to be a monster staring back at me. I just can't seem to get the memories to go away. I am sure many of you have experianced this. But I guess I hope to be greatful 1 day at a time. As I build one day after another maybe I can build some hope and confidence this may truly be behind me. Thanks for listening!

Awe Wendy!! ((((((HUGS))))))). You are not alone with these feelings. My sister had the same surgery and looked the sameway she is now 4 weeks out and still feels like a monster. She refused to look in the mirror in the hospital and I am in someway happy she didn't. I actually came home after seeing her in ICU and lost it. This cancer is so difficult because you guys feel disfigured even though another person really could not tell. As of now she looks wonderful as I am sure you do as well. But knowing in your mind what your tongue actually is seems like something that will be with you forever. The surgery that you both have endured was so invasive I know and you are a very strong person to get through it physically. Anything emotionally takes longer. Just remember that you are cancer free!!! Woohoo!!!! Yes your life is different emotionally and physically but that's because your a survivor and I envy you!!

Wendy,
You are not alone with these feelings. I live everyday with these feelings. I even find myself apologizing that I got cancer because it has screwed up everything. I do know what you are feeling. I had a PET scan today and got good news as well, but I am still very anxious about it all. I can not wait until the anxiety goes away.

Hi - It takes awhile to not be anxious. Its a very real worry. Its totally justified! Don't feel badly about it. ONce I got past the 2 year mark i breathed easier-- and I just passed the 3 year mark and I breathed even easier still.

The first few years I definitely got anxiety and had a lot of sleepless nights worrying.

Hang in there this will get better. K

This is a part of some of our lives . I am used to looking at the strange guy in my mirror, but at least I am alive to see him and his strange looking lower mouth. I like how most people like to say you look so good. LOL I keep looking over my shouder to see who they are talking to. Must be one of my angels or old Casper has appeared.

I will keep you in my prayers that time will help you push the worries aside and let you live your life as you want. Be grateful for each day - none of us is promised the next - and as time goes by I hope that freedom and joy will come to you.

Nancy T

Thanks everyone. I feel much better since my check up. I guess it was all the anxiety building over the months. Hopefully next time wont be so bad. You know, if the burning in my tongue would just go away, I think I could almost forget(for a while).

Wendy

Glad you are feeling better now. Those darn check ups can sure get the anxiety building up. Most important is that you are currently in good health.

I sure do unstand the burning in the tongue. Even after a clear PET, that burning in the tongue bothers me. So glad you are feeling better.