I dont know what to do with myself. I remember vividly the moment that my mom told us that she had cancer. What I find so hard to believe is that it was only a year ago. I remember thinking to myself that everything was going to be okay and that it wasnt anything to really worry about. My mom tried to make me think that way also. Boy was I wrong. The surgery that she had was 16 hours. I never even heard of surgery lasting that long. I know it was much longer for me than her, waiting is terrible. I also remember the SO coming out and telling us that they werent able to get all the cancer. That is when I knew that we had to worry. But what she suffered with after the surgery is unconscionable! I dont understand why she had to suffer so much in such a short time. That is what I struggle with most days. Now that she is gone I wonder so many things. I just wanna see her again to ask her these questions! She was so strong and taught me so much in this last year! I hope she watches over me, I can barely get out of bed some days! I think she is the one that gives me a little nudge just to do it.

Thanks for letting me vent, I would like to reiterate my feeling that CANCER SUCKS!

I think about all who continue to fight this terrible disease often, know that you and your families are in my prayers!

Colleen

Colleen, I wish I had the words for you that would make you feel better. I like to believe that we will see our loved ones again and that at that time your mum will be able to answer your questions. Trust that she is there with you, watching over you. Giving you gentle prods to help you face the day. I can't find the words to comfort you although I wish I could. I'm really sorry for your loss and if I could take your pain away I would. Be strong and know that all of us on OCF are here for you anytime x

Colleen, I'm sorry and I know that words can't help to ease the pain. I watched my own mom die from pancreatic cancer and there are no words to describe the last 2 weeks of her life and how horrific it was. When she died she probably weighed around 80 lbs. Before she was diagnosed she weighed 165 lbs. My mom fought long and hard for 3 1/2 years but unfortunately she lost her battle. My mom will be gone 2 years on the 28th and I miss her every day. You are way to young to have lost your mom. I feel blessed that I had my mom for 44 years. The first year is the hardest. I remember some days just feeling like I was in a fog and just going through the motions. It will get better. What helped me get through was KNOWING that my mom wouldn't have wanted any of us to stop living because she was no longer here for us. I try to make decisions and live my life the best I can knowing that she is looking down on us and helping us get through.

I do believe in heaven and that we are all only on this earth for a short time and that we will eventually be reunited. My parents were married for 56 years and my dad is 79. He is angry and bitter and can not move on or get over the loss of my mom. It makes it hard on all of us and I don't think my mom would be pleased with his behaviors and actions. Feel free to come here and vent. For us mother-less daughters their will always be a void. Sending you a "HUGE" hug and prayers for better, peaceful days. Wanda

I wish I had the words to say to you. Cancer does suck! Scream all you want. We are here for you. I will keep you in my prayers.