Hi, Teresa,

Brian is in deep denial and doesn't yet understand he can lose the window of opportunity to act.

I also had SCC of my lower gum - an early stage. I was scared, and I didn't want to deal with it. But there it was, looming over my life like the elephant in the room. It forced me to face my fear: I was afraid I was going to die. I had to learn I could live with cancer. And I wanted to live. I wanted to live. I don't know what stage Brian is at emotionally, but I suspect he has been having some of these same feelings.

Calling Brian childish or scaring him into thinking about treatment will shut him down, but you know that. Talking with his friend seems to be a start because he's found someone with whom he can share his fear. Perhaps his friend can get Brian to start thinking rationally and listen to his doctors.

In the meantime, I'm glad you've found this site. The people here are wonderful, and you will find support you so badly need.

Take care,
Marlene

Is he typically this stubborn and unrealistic? Or, outside of the world of cancer, is he more rational? I have seen too many people do all that is possible and not win this battle. I can't imagine someone doing far less than is possible.

How long have the two of you been together?

M-

Have you tried printing these posts out and leaving them where he will find them?

He needs to fully understand that without his doctor's recommended Tx ( 6 to 7 weeks of concurrent radiation and chemo just like 95% of us received) his chance of surviving will be SLIM TO NONE and his death will not be a pleasant one unless he's one of the lucky ones to go quickly.

Margaret, He is always this irrational and stubborn. We have been together about 6 months, but have know each other over 10 years. Thanks for your support. Teresa

Another decent day---two in a row. Methrotrexate doubles tomorrow, though. I hope that the Dr can get through to him tomorrow. Good news at this stage for me would be that he accepts recommended treatment. Thanks again to all of you who are showing me so much support. Teresa

The Drs told Brian that his counts were going up, not down. This information was based on lab work from last week. I am not sure exactly what that means, but I do realize it is not good news. They were able to convince him to take a single dose of RX today---thank goodness. He said it was administered to the two spots on his lower gums where the tumors were removed. 7 minutes on each side. Is this about the norm for a first treatment? He said he was kinda burning inside, but otherwise felt no discomfort. Are there side effects from this single treatment that I need to watch for as the evening goes on? We are 2 weeks into the metho doses and his dosage double to 50 mg per day starting tonight. Teresa

Hi Theresa,

I don't think the conversation while snuggling and smiles and kisses are small. I think they are wonderful and you should cherish them. Yes, this disease will change your life and quickly.

I know somebody mentioned this, but has he thought about taking something for the anxiety/depression? The first time I heard my name and cancer in the same sentence I was in shock. I had myself dying before I could get married or have kids. I finally got over that but it wasn't easy. Everyone deals with this in their own way and time. Try to be patient and supportive, just like you have been. There is only so much you can do. In the meantime, let us help you and provide you with support. How old is your boyfriend? Does he live alone?

I am so confused on his treatment protocol. For the people here who have received radiation treatments (is that what you are referring to when you say RX?)they had significant radiation planning done and a face mask made in advance of treatment that forced the patient to stay in one place to allow for the radiation beam to be administered correctly. I don't know of anyone who just got a blast of radiation w/ out all of the planning and preparation.

Generally, radiation treatments are given daily for 7 weeks. Side effects start later on.

I still am concerned that your boyfriend may win the stubborn battle but not the war on cancer.

Would he listen to his family? What would happen if you got more people involved in talking to him?

What does he say when you ask him if he had clean margins during surgery?

The counts are likely a result of a blood test and is showing how his body is reacting to the chemo. He should be careful being around people who are sick as he may be more susceptible to catching what is going around. And, he should listen closely to the doctors when they give instructions based on the results of his lab work.

They can't do counts to detect oral cancer.

I still don't know anyone who was treated with the metho. This cancer is very, VERY aggressive and deadly! I think he's playing with fire if he isn't listening to his doctors primary recommendations.

Did I read on another post that he is still chewing tobacco? Honestly, if that's that's the case, I believe he's doing everything possible to minimize his chances for a long, happy life!

Suzanne, Thanks for the encouragment. Brian is 35 and lives with his brother most of the time. He is here with me a couple of nights a week. It is a constant worry to me that his brother does not know about his condition or the meds that he is on.
I do soooo cherish the moments of having just a bit of happiness and seeing a little glimmer of how he use to be. Thanks for your continued support. I do not have much information to offer, but I hope that I can be a source of comfort to other patients and caregivers in the future the way you and so others have been to me. Continued thanks, Teresa

Your information confuses me about his radiation also. He has not mentioned a mask being made and did not give me much info about the treatment itself. I know he will not be going back for a week. I also feel as you do that his stubborness may cost all of us the joy of having him here. He would not listen to his family and due to the fact that his Dad is recovering from a stroke he is adament that they do not discover his condition. Yes, you did read that he is still dipping. Has cut back from 3 cans a day to 1 and is scheduled to go to a treatment program at the end of the 10 weeks of methotrexate if he has not quit on his own by then. Drs wanted him to get off of it first, but he could not do it on his own and had no explanation for being gone for 2 weeks. Thanks for continued support. Teresa