Just some history - I began developing leukoplakia under my tongue about three years ago and it had turned into a cancerous lesion. At that time the doctor did a biopsy and removed it. Since then it has come back and about 1 month ago I had it removed again and he told me this time that it was also oral cancer. I have been a smoker for over 30 years and over the last 3 years have become a pretty heavy wine drinker. After the surgery the pain was too intense and I couldn't smoke or drink any wine. About a week later and feeling better I justified to myself that I could have a little wine and a cigarette. Now over a month since the surgery I am back to smoking 1 pack of cigarettes and drinking again. I thought I had more common sense than this and over the past two weeks I have been trying to quit but I just can't seem to do it. What will it take, I ask myself. I don't think of myself as a stupid person but continuing with these habits after being diagnosed with oral cancer is just insane behavior. Has anyone else been tormented by these demons since being diagnosed and if so how did you handle them. I really do want to live but just can't seem to stop. I desperately need help.