First, thank you OCF for the nice Happy Birthday email today! It was right on time as I was feeling a bit blue today. My uncle whose wife was killed on Thanksgiving Day in 2005 by a drug dealer running from the police was remarried last summer just after his girlfriendwent through the whipple surgery and treatment for pancreatic cancer (if you remember The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch). Things were looking really good at the Fourth of July party at their house and it looks like she probably won't make it through the weekend. My uncle that is just younger than my dad but 2 steps up from my other uncle died about a year ago from Alzheimer's. All I could remember from the call tonight was my uncle telling me losing two wives and a brother in less than 3 1/2 years was almost too much to bear. My heart just aches for him and now that midnight has passed here, it is his birthday. I told him to call any time he wanted to talk because I sleep about an hour at a time since December 20.

This is where the Merry Christmas comes in. On December 20 I was stirring a crock pot full of black bean and tortilla soup Susan made for me and somehow when I lifted the lid the crock pot slid and the front leg fell off of the kitchen island and although I protectd my radiated neck instinctly, it melted my little finger, splashed my face, neck, left eye, right arm, right leg, right side an collected along my belt line. The ER sent me to the burn center by ambulance and my finger looked like a raisin. They wanted to cut it off but I would't let them and it has now healed. My leg although really ugly and itching all the time has pretty much healed but my doggone arm looks like it just happened yesterday. The pain is unbelievable and the arm is burned so extensively there is no comfortable way to sleep so when I move, it wakes me up. Add all the neurological crap and if I lift my arms other than straight down my side, the scapula cramps up.

To add insult to injury, literally, Canada would not let me move there because of history of Stage IV Oral Cancer and Hep C. Work wanted me to fly in Sunday night and work from 8 am Monday to 5 pm Friday so that puts me on the 6:30 am flight back to Dallas from Winnipeg. I reminded them my contract said every other week and only available by phone while in Dallas and they said we need someone here all week every week and escorted me to the airport 2 days before my vacation to Japan an refused to even give me my 3 weeks vacation pay or 90 day contract terminatin without clause.

My brother has Stage IV Kidney Cancer that has spread to his pelvic bone, liver and lungs and tonight I am thinking how would I ever make it without my best friend in the whole world?

Then low and behold, I get a Happy Birthday from OCF email and it's all good again! Thank you all for always being there and especially thank you for letting me have my little pity party. I was actually sleeping before midnight for the first time in many weeks and Susan got a cramp in her leg and kicked my burned arm and woke me up so here I am.

I am so sorry for dropping out of sight but from August to December 19 I worked about 20 hours a day getting some systems in place for some low life ungrateful immmoral unethical jerks. Thanks for letting me unload. I know so many of you are facing so much more than me but at this moment my selfishness is forcing me to look only at my small circle of life and family.

I have heard what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and I was thinking how glad I am I don't have a gun around so I could be a bit stronger. I don't remember where we left all this religion stuff but your kind thoughts and prayers right now would be greatly appreciated. I hope I am not offending anybody but only reaching out for a shoulder to lean (cry) on tonight.

Thanks for always being here!

Ed