My husband almost died one week after my rad treatent finished in a motorcycle accident. I had tongue cancer and the free flap etc but i was told because the accident was so soon I now have ptsd from the shock and the fact I was sick from the rad(I had to fly alone for two weeks to another state as I was told he was going to die or have brain damage). I started smoking again and I hate myself for it (he is so so mad at me and calls me weak amongst other things) I want to die as I had stopped for three months. He cant wait to get his bike fixed and get back on the road, yet he is furious at me for smoking and doesnt understand why I am doing it.The shock of the accident is what caused me to take that first smoke alone and in tears and pain. I NEED TO STOP...frankly I am suicidle and would rather die as the arguements have now become very cruel on his side. Ironically He has PTSD as he is a Veteran to throw into the mix. I am supposed to be his carer yet I have none. Can someone...anyone....help me...i truly want to leave this world for a better one as I am in Hell already. Please help me...Im usually fairly up and happy but this is taking my soul piece by piece. He even BOUGHT me a pkt yesterday....whats going on? I have no one to talk to (I am booked in with a quit dr but he is still at me every day about how "weak" I am and how strong he is. (we smoked for the same amout of time....he gave up earlier as he is older than me. HELP!!! I cant see any way out.