It all began around this time last year. I had been feeling ill for weeks and last June got the dreaded 3 words "you have cancer". I went thru the operation for the PEG tube and port. Had three teeth pulled and then started the awful treatments.

I suffered thru treatment after treatment. I saw doctor after doctor, the appointments never ended. Lost 60 pounds due to so much trouble keeping anything down. It took 2 months before I got accustomed to the night time feedings. I endured the mouth sores, mucous, insomnia, fatigue, diarihia (cant spell), dry mouth, and couldnt talk for 3 weeks. I was so sick that I threw up dark green bile and my 17 year old son had to push me in a wheelchair. I was too weak to even walk. My doctor admitted me to the hospital just by looking at me.

My teeth are loose and crooked, per my 2 dentists and 2 oral surgeons they cant be saved. Radiation has ruined the ligaments that hold my teeth and dry mouth has caused them to start to rot. Next step was to be hyperbaric treatments then pull all my teeth and get dentures.

Last month when I heard from 2 different doctors that they would keep an eye on my new sore, to me I thought that wasnt good enough. I called my oral surgeon who took me immediately for my requested biopsy. In my heart I felt that it was back, not because I felt sick, just somehow I knew.

Today I heard those 3 little words again "you have cancer". The official diagnosis is SCC, well differentiated in the buccal mucosa (left cheek). This is a never ending sickness that just wont go away. My pet scan in Jan gave me the all clear and now at only 6 months post treatment, its back. I havent even recovered fully from the first time and now its round 2.

This time around I know what to watch out for. Ive been thru this and beat it once but it sure doesnt make it any easier to know I have to do it again. So now I must try to gain weight, since I only have about 10 pounds to lose before I am considered underweight. At least I still have my PEG tube and port, they were to be removed next week.

Now somehow tonight I must pull myself together and think logically about my situation. Last time I had no caregiver and went thru a terrible time. Even some of my doctors told me I suffered more than most oral cancer patients they have treated. I dont know how I can do this again without a caregiver, this time around I dont even have a driver. I dread tomorrow so much, having to tell my children that Im sick again.