Geo: Hello and welcome to OCF. You've come to the right place; there are many here who will be happy to help you and your family get through this difficult period.
As you can see below in my 'signature', my hubby (Buzz) had similiar surgery, followed by IMRT & chemo.
Buzz has also suffered many of the complications you describe. Two words for your father: Pain Management
The situation MAY get worse before it gets better, at least it did in Buzz' case. Oxycodone gave him some relief, but time has been the greatest healer for him.
Hang with us, ask questions and read, read read! We're here for you...
Lois & Buzz in NC

CG to 77 y/o hubby;SCC Alveolar Ridge; Wake Forest Baptist Hosp surgery: 07/19/07; bi mod radical resection/jaw replacement;
T2 N2-B M0 Stage IV-A
28 IMRT +
6 Paclitaxel/Carboplatin
Getting stronger every day!