I respect Jeff's wisdom as well, after reading many of his posts here.
Mary has opted to go with the node removal only at this time. When the docs started talking about the appearance changes and the shoulder rehab it did her in. She said she couldn't go through with it unless she had a concrete reason to go through with it. Everybody has their breaking point, this was hers.
I have to respect the decision she and her family have made, and I pray it is the right one.
She said "I can't look in the mirror every day and be reminded that I had this cancer". My answer to that was "Can you ever forget?" Isn't it life before and life after? Not necessarily better or worse, but different-and at some point you have to accept that-(easily stated from someone who has not been there).
I told her that her friends and family don't give a damn what her neck looks like as long as she is here!
Please say a prayer that it all works out, and I'll keep you posted. Thanks again!

Liz