Absolutely she needs to be the one to decide what happens and when. The problem is that she is at the point where she cant really make decisions... when we talk with her about even simple decisions she says I just dont know, and tells us to decide. We have told her that she has to make this kind of decision herself, that we can not make it for her. She DID decide a few months ago to place a DNR order so that if she has a heart attack or other serious illness they will not resuscitate her but will provide comfort care. We have it taped to her bed, with copies in other places as well (in case her caregiver is alone with her if I have to be out with my boys... one has his own serious chronic issues with 30+ surgeries in 9 yrs).

She does know she doesnt want chemo or radiation again, she really wishes she could just get pneumonia and be done with life. She feels that she really has no quality of life anymore... what with the drooling, suctioning, pain issues... Getting old is HARD WORK!

She has asked me to talk with the doctor to get all the pro's and cons and what if's, and then talk to her about it after we get the information. She gets too flustered and confused when talking with the docs herself, picking up on one thing that might be totally not related to what is going on but it makes sense to her somehow. I will try to get the best information I can, and present it to her in a way that she can understand without being to confusing... my husband is not in a place emotionally where he can deal with this right now, he wants her to keep on fighting no matter what it takes, and I get the feeling from her she really is done fighting.

Anyway... thank you all for your thoughts. I do appreciate it tremendously!

Heidi