Cookey, Were you referring to me when you talked about "blunt remarks made about Robin's lifrestyle by other posters". If so, why not say so directly? And if so, I just need to point out that it sounds to me like when someone makes someone else feel crappy, and not you, that is just "not engaging in flowery platitudes" but otherwise it is being judgmental.

Actually, I never judged your husband (or you!) for his lifestyle. I was married to an alcoholic for 10 years and I know how hard a struggle that addiction is for the alcoholic and his or her loved ones. But it is QUITE clear from research that continuing to consume alcohol after having oral cancer increases the chances of recurrence. That is not a judgment but a fact.

Nelie