Elizabeth,

I just wanted to second what everyone here has said. None of us are "strong", we're just dealing with the hand we got dealt. A year ago was my partial glossectomy and neck dissection and I've had a lot of memories the last couple of days of how truly terrified I was of that, and then after how truly terrified I was of radiation. Valentines Day a year ago, I was told I had stage I breast cancer as well. I went home and cried for hours--which was not very comfortable since I still had stitches in my mouth and staples in my neck!

When people offer to help you, let them. Family, friends, church, whoever is willing. And don't feel you have to be strong around them. You don't. Talk about your fears. It's normal to be afraid of the treatment but, as others have said, balance that against a healthy fear of what this cancer can do to you if left inadequately treated.

The only strength I found to face my treatment was that I was just so scared of dying young--there's so much more I still want and wanted to do with my life! I got angry that cancer was threatening that and that anger gave me a determination to use a scorched earth policy on the cancer (even though the scorched earth was and is my mouth!).

I think I have had a much worse time recovering than the average person here, probably partly because I was also dealing with treatment for the breast cancer --as my breast surgeon said the other day when I saw her for a followup--I got hit by a BIG truck being treated for those two at once. But despite all the recovery issues I've had and still am having, I don't for one minute regret fighting this disease as hard as I could. By the way, I actually taught an online class through most of my chemo and radiation treatment (all bujt the last two weeks of it) so even though I was hit hard it wasn't like I was totally unable to do anything at all. You'll find that's probably true for you too.

Make no mistake, the people here who seem strong are people just like you. Cancer doesn't selectively hit strong people. But fighting it requires a strength I think we all have deep down and you have it too. You can do this. We'll be here for support.

I'm glad you are going to a CCC for an opinion. I think if it were me, if the cancer had come back I would want to throw everything I could at it this time around.

Nelie