Cameltchr,
I know you will be receiving many posts of support. This is a fantastic site. Visit often and ask a lot of questions of the members here. Also, look around the site for other posts.
My husband was diagnosed with Stage 3 base of tongue cancer. He had a radical neck disection and a small part of his tongue removed. Also had 33 treatments of radiation with chemo. As with your husband he is young and was extremely healthy. Never touched a cigarette, so all of it hit us also like a Mack truck. The good news (and I consider our family extremely blessed by this) is that after about 5 months post treatments, he is terrific. Eating, talking, jogging, skiing. As many of the members here will attest, you can beat this!
Looking back, I must admit there were many very scary moments. But you learn to take it one day at a time. I think what helped me the most was an absolutely unshakeable faith that we would survive this. So, stay positive!
As far as his surgery goes, I have no idea if this is applicable to your case, but only after several discussions with our ENT surgon, we discovered that he (the doc) did not have to break his jaw and go in from the front to access his tongue. He was able to access the part of the tongue he needed through the neck disection. It was a relief to us. It may be worth asking your doc.
We all wish you the best and are in our prayers. Keep us posted.
BC