Hi Al, You're doing fine and good for you for giving up the cigarettes and reducing your Guinness intake to moderation. That's the best thing to do to help the treatment work. My husband didn't drink beer before his cancer but he married into an Irish family that was a little snobby about the Guinness - needs to be poured properly, just the right temperature, and the like. Ironically, it was one of the only things that he could taste right after treatment - maybe my sainted grandmother was right that it does have medicinal properties - in moderation.

His saliva got better but it took many months. Be patient with yourself, they say you should give it one month of recovery for every week of treatment. Jack is now 1 year post treatment and doing well. They removed the peg tube about 10 weeks after treatment ended. I think they look to see that you can swallow good enough to keep your weight constant and then it can come out. Things get better as time goes on and you adjust to a new normal. Not the same as your life before but not necessarily bad.

Yes it is harder after treatment ends and I think that's because it's the first chance you've had to think about it. Over time you learn to pace yourself and at some point you stop thinking that every little thing is a recurrence of the cancer...but that's a process. It was all a big raw nerve at the point you are at now, all we could think about was the what ifs. Both Jack and I were pretty annoying back then and making ourselves crazy.

Have you had the experience yet of going out somewhere and when the waiter asks how are you this evening you give a long, rambling answer about the cancer? It's embarassing when you realize you should have just stopped at "fine".

So how do we manage? One day and one scare at a time. Some days go better than others. When you find yourself having a good one, appreciate it. When you find yourself having a bad one, go to bed early and forget about it. You don't choose to get cancer, but you can choose how you react to it and how much time and energy you really want to give it. Don't miss out on the good times that are right in front of you because you're worried about things that haven't happened yet.

It is what it is Al, the beauty of this site is that you can interact with people who are further along. In the meantime, ask away, talk to the doctors and give yourself time to heal. Don't think that you have nothing to contribute to others here, you've stopped smoking and drinking - that might inspire someone else who is struggling. Most importantly, stay on your wife's good side. We all need the people we love.

Regards JoAnne