Hi Carrie,
What you are feeling now, the constant thought of death, is the normal stage for the recovery process. Most of us hit a deep, dark depression after treatment, the time when we begin to feel well enough to WORRY! Not fair, but that's how it works. Worrying is natural, look what we've been through! We miss our old lives, we want that life back................then we worry about having life at all. It's alot to wrap our very human minds around and manage to get through a day without crying. Cry when you need to, exercise alot, talk to us, get an anti depressant if needed. Keep it in your mind that this is a natural stage and it DOES get better. We rejoin life eventually, forever changed, but life is still good.
Hang in there,
Minnie