thank you all for your response, as you all know, the unknown is the hardest to get threw.. I am just trying to get answers to help me get threw what is to come.. I know it will not be as easy. this time. infact before, I wouldnt tell anyone that I had cancer.. I was so lucky and felt some shame, that I was lucky.. and didnt have to under go the hell that some of you have to do to surve.. thank you both for your thoughts