Welcome to survivorship. Anyone who has had a close call with infinity, with our real mortality, is forever affected by it. While it is true that to some extent this fear is subdued by time, I personally find that it never goes away. While I have personally chosen to stay involved with oral cancer, even those who I meet that have tried to put it far behind them, are never completely successful. Survivorship includes some degree of PTS, and even real fear. I am over 3 decades away from Vietnam and my experiences of war, yet it comes to my mind frequently. I am 6 years from cancer, and not a day goes by that it is not part of my thought process. While some of that is in helping others, I cannot help but see myself in those that are doing less well than I. I cannot have a toothache or a small simple sore in my mouth without a feeling in the pit of my stomach that is unmistakable to me. It is plain fear. The difference is now, a few years out from the experience, I am able to choke it down and reason my way through it. But that does not stop the feelings from coming to me. What you feel is not only normal, but most likely appropriate. While uncomfortable, fear is a rational response to what we have been through. The trick is to keep it under control and realistic.

Brian, stage 4 oral cancer survivor. OCF Founder and Director. The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant.