Zanax is a great drug - I went through a lot of it myself but it is highly addictive so watch out.

In many ways my dad was the same - clung to independence, had strong ides about his care. It did take a lot of patience but I developed a team of volunteers and paid caregivers to spread the burden a little bit and that helped a lot. A psychologist I was seeing commented that my job was not to actually DO everything but rather to make sure that it got done. The hospice folks had contingencies for respite care and that helped me a lot to recenter myself. I was new in recovery then as well (only 6 months of sobriety) so I never took any drugs. I found afterwards that is was a season of intense spiritual growth, not that I didn't have my moments of frustration.

I had one incident where a paid caregiver took off to go to a class (without telling anyone) and my father fell out of bed where he was wedged against a wall for several hours - got a black eye out of it too. I am lucky today that I not serving a prison sentence. I understand your frustration.

I don't agree with what your hospice nurse told you about "having the patience of a saint". It may seem like that at times but it was a real gift to be able to give back to my parents in the end stage of their lives. I am sure that there were times they they had to have the "patience of a saint" to deal with my antics.