I just so agree with Marica here--hell, I've GOT cancer and I'm not abusing anyone!
And from what you've said, it sounds like this, or some of it, was going on before he even HAD cancer!
20 years of 'subjecting yourself'??
I know all the reasons why Michelle, I know from experience the cops reaction, , I know the fear of 'pretend, don't rock the boat in case it gets worse'
Your kids are seriously affected as well as you.
My advice would just be to do what I did after the 'choking' episode.
I took only what I could get in my car, and WENT! --to the first flat (apartment) I could rent.
It took me 3 days to organise, I left a lot of 'my stuff/my life' behind, but I took what was important---ME!
Do it even if he hasn't got any family members to look after him---okay, inform his doctors you've left, leave him a 'meds' list etc.---but really Michelle, you and the kids need to GO and be safe!
It's hard, it takes a lot of heartache afterwards, but you'll get through.
If you've got family or friends you can go to for a while, that's even better and gives you breathing space, but oh Michelle, I'm SOOOOOOO
sorry for your situation. keep posting!
brenda x