Hi Markus,
I understand your feelings of guilt and uneasy. Except for a reaction to the drug that was to protect my saliva, I had a relatively uncomplicated experience with my treatment. I asked many questions in the forum and they all seemed so petty compared to what others were going through. For others just starting treatment, it may be helpful for them to know that some people do not suffer as many side effects (e.g., the other shoe won't drop - it happens). I had no feeding tube, kept all my teeth, had no pain medication (or pain that needed it), and drove myself to the cancer center. For those things I am very grateful. I was fortunate that I worked minimal hours from the I had my tumor removed to 7 weeks after treatment ended. Most of my time was spent trying to eat or drink. I would have not put in the effort if I wasn't aware/scared of the horrific side effects waiting to appear. I started back to work after 7 weeks - 4 weeks at 20 hours and now have been cleared for 4 weeks at 30 hours. My only complaint is I still need 12 hours of sleep at least every other night. I get fatigued after a 1.5 hour walk (tried it twice and was exhausted the next day - My doctor said this was "reconditioning"). This forum kept me on the right track and helped me avoid many problems. I think my friends were surprised at how much I expressed my happiness with my results. I'd talk about being sick from that drug and then switch to how pleased I was with how things were going (e.g., I puked all night, but this is going really well).

I hope others will make out the same.