Everyone has been so RIGHT in how we have to look at this healing process. Tom will have a good day, and the next he'll feel like a Mack truck hit him. Since it was beautiful yesterday, I had him take a walk around the gardens with me. Luckily, we have several benches scattered around, and we used them all, but the fresh air and the 'exercise' was good for both of us. Today, while I think the pain in his throat is subsiding a bit, I have a feeling that the depression factor might be kicking in.
This morning was the first time he ever used the word "scared." It threw me off balance for a moment, as he's the strongest man I've known - in so many ways. He said he feels much better when I am around, and when I'm away, a sinking feeling takes over. I don't really know how to deal with this - - I could take a leave of absence, but I don't know if that would be the best thing for him - - - generally I go into the office, do all my time-sensitive tasks, and then come on home. Last week, when he had a really good day, I was able to stay a full day and get back-logged items off my desk.

I have finally gotten a prescription for Paxil for myself. I cannot sleep now without taking a Xanax, but now I am finding myself crying in strange places like the grocery store.....and I really am not fully 'at work' when I'm sitting at my desk. I feel then like I am cheating my company because they are paying me for being distracted and not giving full time and attention to my job. Sigh..........
My paychecks have been about 1/2 of normal with all the time I've taken off. It is not all that important, I know, but then I feel like I'm not contributing to the budget....Heavier sigh...
Life is a b---h, but I'm so glad we are here to suffer through it.

Boy, did I just ramble? Sorry, friends, you are my sounding board and I am grateful to each of you.
OH, by the way - for those of you who might remember my mentioning the roses planted in our prayer garden......they are doing BEAUTIFULLY, and the one dedicated to this board is the MOST PROLIFIC BLOOMER! They are a soft pink ever-blooming variety - a 'carpet rose' I think....I cut a bloom yesterday to bring indoors and it reminds me to say a prayer for all of you!
Love
Nicki