Dear Angie,

I agree with Kris. You need to share as many happy moments with Kim as you can. Sharing childhood memories will be good for the whole family. Much as I hate to be the doomsayer, I do see many parallels to Heather's case. Although every case is different and I would NEVER advocate giving up, I do believe that you must prepare yourselves for the possibility that there is nothing more the doctors can do.

Heather also battled an "infection" for several months. It was an infection, but it was also so much more. Antibiotics would work for awhile, but it would never totally be cleared up. And after awhile, she would develop an immunity and have to try a different antibiotic. The antibiotics themselves contributed to the overall problem. While they did help the infection somewhat, they played havoc on other bodily functions. It was a vicious circle and eventually nothing worked anymore. The infection seemed a precursor of what was to come. Her body was just no longer able to combat the cancer. It had simply grown too strong.

It is possible that the docs can get this infection under control. Do not give up hope!!! At the same time, I feel you will regret it later if you do not face the possibility that you may lose Kim to this dread disease sooner rather than later. You want to make sure you have made peace with the idea and have said your goodbyes. You want to let Kim know how special she is and how much you have enjoyed sharing your lives with her. Let her know that although you hate the thought of losing her, you know the decision to continue fighting must be hers.

There is only so much anguish a person can handle and only Kim can know her limit. By all means, encourage her to continue fighting. But when she has decided she has had all she can bear, you must be ready to abide by her wishes. The hospice nurse told me that many people try to hang on as long as they can to spare their family the grief of losing them. But in many cases, this only prolongs their suffering. You must let Kim know that you love her and will support any decision she makes.

I'm sorry that this is a depressing post, but from one who has been in this situation, I felt it necessary to tell you these things. I am sorry if I have caused you undue pain. And I truly do hope Kim gets her miracle, but you need to be prepared if she doesn't.

Rosie

Was primary caregiver to my daughter Heather who had stage IV base of tongue SCC w/ primary recurrence. Original diagnosis August 21st, 2002. Primary recurrence March 18th, 2003. Died October 6th, 2003.