Ok, I admit it. I TOTALLY flipped out in the mask last week, the day after I wrote that post. I honestly think that's why I haven't logged in since then - too embarassed. You keep saying to yourself "I can do this, I can do this, stay calm, stay calm, stay calm." So I come to you with my tail between my legs. Wasn't calm. Tears everywhere. Technicians didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. Except cry. Of course there were new people in the waiting room - just what they want to see come out.

We're all allowed that one freak-out, right? I mean, the machine broke FOUR times on me, PLUS the XRAYS and they didn't come in to take off the mask until after the SECOND breakdown ("It'll take 3 minutes to reboot, Sabrina. Hang in there" - may as well tell me I'm becoming a permanent attacment to the machine people). And the new girl put it in extra tight, just for kicks and giggles.

Jim comes to all radiation appointments, just in case of a mental breakdown. Didn't think I'd ever need him, but thank HEAVAN he was there!! But I drive back almost every day for the Support Group, the social worker, nutritionist, whatever ALONE. I still have to show I'm independant, right? No weaknesses here - can't risk losing the pants in the family. J/K. Kinda.

Three days and counting. WOOHOO!!

Sabrina