Don is gone. 52 years old. He passed away Tuesday November 23rd at 7PM holding my hand. He was at home like he wanted. He was in a coma the last day. I can't tell you all how devastated I am. I've been away from the board the past couple of months, things were so hectic, pneumonia, trial searching, just plain desperately looking for answers. The chemo did absolutely nothing to slow it down. So, the IMRT didn't work, surgery didn't work, and chemo...nothing. I held him and told him he could go, that supper was ready and he could finally eat and drink and sing... then he was was gone in less than two minutes. God I hurt.I will for the rest of my life, if it weren't for my children I'd want to go with him. But his suffering here is over. One year and three weeks from DX. I can't believe how this tore through him, unbridled. He's everywhere now, I can't set his memory down for a second. How does one go on without their companion? No one could ever live in his shadow...He never hurt anyone. We did everything except work together. Florida, Colorado, concerts. All memories now and so much left undone...I've never been through anything like this before, where do I go from here? I'm not a live support group kind of person so I'll probably try to vent here, if you'll pardon me. The funeral was yesterday. His parents purchased a mausoleum for him, we had never really talked about that but it was already done so I let it be. I want to take flowers, can't. I want to tough the head stone, isn't one, and his "drawer" is out of reach. I want to "talk" to him without feeling everyone else there is listening... Silly, huh? I know HE really isn't there at all. I went there today. It's closed. All things to consider with a choice like this. I'm going to try to get a couple pictures up of him today if I can figure out how to do it. That will give me something to do. I've never felt so lost and alone.