Thanks mostly to all of your care and concerns,(especially Joanna) coupled with the research I have done myself, (and as I told myself I would over the weekend), I have decided on this plan of attack...bear with me!

The Attitude Check:

First of all, I am beginning from a real nice position of hope. What I hear y'all say is this..IMRT, any radiation, is no picnic but it has good promise...a better- than-most shot at fixing the problem. I am prepared for that...it sounds like a lot of the negatives are not "forever" and that I can live with.

Then I have recommitted myself to my Higher Buddy and have had a long chat with myself about faith. Knowing that the old sayings like "If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it", while trite, have blatent impact for a reason. I feel like if I am to get through this as "comfortably" as possible (for all involved) I am going to have to be well positioned in trust and faith and sometimes go "blindly into the night." This I understand and more importanly accept.

I have mentally identified a circle of friends who all are aware of the challenge ahead. I know they will be there to offer any support I ask for without thinking twice about it. I am really lucky in this regard and having you all there is the certainly the crowning jewel. I am counting on you. The most important thing is this...I will not be afraid to ask for what I need.

And finally I have smiled at myself... because that face in the mirror and I are going to have to be really good friends for awhile...in constant and clear communication with each other. This cancer and I have to live in this body together. Somehow we got into this mess and we will get out. Sometimes I am going to require that the treatment give me a minute... and sometimes it is going to require I give it a minute or two. It's a fair deal considering the circumstances. I acknowledge the problem and the "fix" and I promise to be my own best friend giving and taking to make it work.

I am going to start seeing my psychologist again just to have someone professionally watching my perspective. He is a wonderful man...appt Wed.

The Treatment:

No IPT...IMRT is the plan.

I will have all my teeth extracted next Monday at 10:00am, in the office with IV anethesia. All 34 are going...by 11:30 or 12 it will be done. I have someone going with me to take charge after!

Then the wait and healing. And learning how to eat softly. Nutritionists here I come. I really think it might be intersting since I have never seen a nutritionist before. New preparations and new recipes. New flavor combinations, while I can taste! Does it go? This will be new knowledge for me and...why not get into it. Will I speak clearly?

While healing, mask fitting(s) and CT scan, possible MRI, "rehearsal" and off we go. Tattoos! I figure about 2 weeks then we are off and running? But I am adjustable!

Going to do the 120gY/2 daily/M-F/6 weeks (how's my jargon now!) and we are off and running with a thank you in my heart and a smile on my face (there will probably be a heavy sigh in there somewhere).

I will deal with the PEG if the need arises.

That's as far as I have gotten. I think it might be as far I as can go right now. I do understand it is all subject to adjustment.

This is a great venue to get all of this out of my head where I can physically see it. I am sure down the line when there is doubt it will come in handy ro review my original committment. I think it might help keep me focused and confident.
Thank you for this opportunity and your time.


I think I am ready....and I mean this... you all have been instrumental in this plan and I know you will be there for me in the weeks to come. I vow to do the same in return in what ever way I can, because one thing is perfectly clear...there is tremendous knowledge, experience and compassion here. That is huge and powerful! I never cease to be amazed at the emotion and character that is visible through written words on a screen.

Please check me out here and if I need to modify the plan or define more clearly...come at me...

Bless you all,
Chin up...
Russ