Perhaps I am freaking out, yes. I am assuming that telling the dentist about my history of chewing would be the right thing to do- but would he be able to tell cancer? And where the hell would a head and neck surgeon be in montana. I intend to find this out.

I know my gums arent that bad compared to some of my friends who chew- hell theyre just peachy really. I have friends that you can see the bone below the teeth, and no gums are left- poor andrew, why wont he quit? It really confuses me.

But lately, I've had all the work piled on me at this ranch (my father is down and out with a healing eye from a retina reattachment operation) and it seems like my fear of it just kinda reared its ugly head. I tapered off the chewing gradually, and then one day- I snapped. I blamed the chew for my crooked teeth, my one lower gum, every thing. I went ape shit and threw my can out into the ditch. I Havent touched any since. I went as far as to not have drank any soda or eat much sugar for months.

Now, I imagine things, sometimes I think I imagine them, sometimes I think that I have cancer/ going to loose all my teeth for real. It's been a mess. And I cannot wait for the dentist- it feels like I will snap before I ever get there- and the fear of what he will say is killing me as well.

I find myself looking up stuff on the internet- only making my fears worse. I see all these pictures- but no information y'know? How long had these people chewed? 15 years? A year? Will a year and a half do that to me? What can they do if they catch it early? The questions go on and on. I search for answers, but I only find more fear. I find myself playing with my teeth and gums all the time and brushing and using mouth wash and stuff alot.

I learned a new respect for everything I must say- just how vulnerable I really am, even for how strong I am from all the work for my age. I've learned alot from reading here and admire alot of you. But most of all I thought I was handling all my problems in life so well and I've learned that I'm still a very unsure scared little kid still.

I hope someone here can answer how long it takes to get cancer from chew, but even if nobody can, I cant thank you all enough for putting up with me, and making me feel a little better tonight.

Kale