Hi Tez,
I guess no one else mentioned that oral melanoma is fairly uncommon. There have only been a few visitors here with it. I believe that the treatment isn't much different than SCC so I would be getting opinions from a radiation oncologist, oncologist and head & neck surgeon as Mark and Ed recommended. The main difference, I think, is that for a surgical solution they usually have much greater margins due to the aggressivenss of melanoma.

If they have anything equivalent to a comprehensive cancer center in the UK, that's where I would be going.

Pain management is a basic patient right so she shouldn't need to suffer in any case.

I had an advanced cancer and it was treated successfully with radiation and chemo alone.

Cancer death usually occurs when the tumor invades an organ, interferes with the blood supply or nervous system. If she decides to forgo curative treatment they may recommend palliative care which may consist of treatment as aggressive as seeking a cure. This is typically done to minimize pain and suffering.

There have others in their 80's who have undergone treatment and are still surviving.