Hi Desiree',
It's ok to ask the doctor for meds to quell the anxiety - I did and I'm sure that many here have. Don't assume anything yet or you WILL drive yourself nuts. I went in, assuming that I would have an abcess drained to being told that I had a good possibility of dying. Passed out on the spot! The oncologist usually handles and coordinates the chemotherapy aspect of your treatment and manages all of the other drugs you will be taking. I am surprised that you would get the Dx from him. The ENT (sometimes Head and Neck Surgeon) is usually the primary doctor (when not in chemo) and will be doing most of the followup visits and long term monitoring. The Radiation Oncologist manages the Radiation Therapy aspect. Usually there is some degree of coordination from the three. IF surgery is required you be be refered to a Head and Neck surgeon. I believe that most ENT's are surgeon also. Neither form of oncologist performs surgery.
These are the tops docs in the usual treatment plan. There will be many other persons in your "team". The doctors should outline all of your treatment options and the risk/benefit associated with each. Then you get to choose. It's not that we're smart -we just have compassion for people who are scared out of their wits and are wearing the same moccassins as we are. Don't forget to breath -a little prayer wouldn't hurt either... PS take good notes, or tape record it. Better yet, bring a good note taker with you -extremely important, and doctors usually talk pretty fast.