Hi All,

My father (84 years old) had reconstructive surgery five weeks ago as he had squamous cell carcinoma that had spread to his right jaw and cheek. When they did all the testing before surgery they saw some some lymph nodes in his neck that looked suspicious. My father didn’t want surgery at first due to his age, but the other option would be narcotics and eventually a very horrible death. He decided to do it. It took awhile to schedule due to the large team needed. During that time he was on narcotics and out of his mind. It was horrible for all and especially my mom. The surgery took over 15 hours and was more than they anticipated due to having replace part of his cheek. Results show all cancer gone and no lymph nodes were cancerous. We have decided against radiation due to my dad’s emotional state and he doesn’t want to do it. He is done as he puts it. The reconstruction of the jaw had to come from his shoulder bone given the leg bone would not have been enough.


My mom is still alive and both of them have been living in the same house I grew up in. However, my mom has become forgetful since she fell in November. I have three siblings, but my mom and dad have always depended on me. Therefore, I am the one that has been making the decisions regarding drugs, care, etc while still trying to work a full time job and taking care of my 16 year old and three older children with 3 grandchildren. Needless to say for the past few weeks my life has been crazy to say the least.

We also found out after the surgery that my dad has vascular dementia, which they saw on a MRI before the surgery. I don’t know if that would have changed his mind, but it would have been good to know.

Dad spent three weeks in the hospital due to not being able to find a extended care facility that handles a trach and feeding tube. Also he needed a sitter a lot of the nights as he kept trying to get out of bed. Finally a facility took him. We moved him almost two weeks ago. He is having a tough time adjusting as he just wants to go home.

We had a post op appt last Wed with the reconstructive surgeon. He is physically healing well, except he can’t swallow properly. They did the swallow test over a week ago and he failed. The pudding went the wrong way and they said he can’t eat due to aspirating. The dr also mentioned he may never be able to as some patients can’t after this. Needless to say, this was new news as we were told two weeks after surgery he could begin with broth etc. I am devastated, but won’t give up as the most enjoyable thing my dad likes to do is eat. The speech therapist gave him two exercises. I told him to do non stop. From everyone’s experience, do you think he will be able to eat again?

The recovery process is so much more than we ever thought. Any others that felt unprepared and overwhelmed?

Thank you all for any help you can provide.