just called the on call Oncology department. Husband had called them earlier wondering why he is not well. I told them how this is really going so they know the whole story.

I left 7 boxes and 32 oz of water for him to administer himself on Friday as I was out of town working the whole day. Left him alone yesterday as he seemed to be sleeping quite a bit.

I go in today because a friend wanted to pick him up and take him for a drive. He has not consumed anything but maybe a little water since Friday. He asked why I wasn't feeding him anymore. He is well enough to do those syringes as he did do it on Friday. He didn't clean them so thank goodness I got a box of new ones. He took a shower and finally took off the clothes he has worn since sometime last week. Then he fell in the shower. Oh boy. Did I ever say nursing was at the bottom of my list of career choices??!!

I told him today that pride was going to kill him before cancer does.

Do I just suck it up and fight with him day in and day out to do those syringes? Am I helping him by having to continue to spoon feed him those syringes? At what point were you able to feeding yourself?

I'm gone all day tomorrow in classes an hour away.

I've had to swallow my pride through this whole thing to take care of someone I have little relationship with for good reason. But my patience is really wearing thin watching him take 2 steps forward and 1 step back repeatedly because of refusal to accept that you cannot take a short cut to the front of the line on this one.