I know he has to be miserable. I do have compassion but it's so frustrating because he refuses to put the toilet lid down anymore. I found the cats drinking out of it tonight. I know stuff is still coming out of his body from chemo or radiation as I'm highly allergic to him again. He HAD to wash clothes at the time I was washing mine (he always washes his stuff separately anyway) so he threw mine in the dryer and ruined some of my clothes. I had run to town to pick up a prescription for him so only gone a short time. I run the machine after he uses it which makes him angry but I'm so allergic to something coming out of him that I have to do it. If I say anything about anything, he slams doors. I'm not an angry person but I don't care how badly one feels, one does not have a right to purposely rebel and take it out on others. He thinks I am absolutely ridiculous about being meticulous for cleaning things he uses but I have to do this. I cannot afford to get sick as he needs me for all kinds of things. anyway...I needed to vent as his narcissistic behavior is wearing on me. All of the above are typical behaviors before he started treatment. The tantrums.....I'm so glad I was in classes all day and gone part of tomorrow. I want to run away.

thanks for listening and please don't judge me!


Spouse of 58 yr old with BOT cancer
Stage 4a HPV16 positive
3 chemo treatments cisplantin
35 radiation treatments 7000 cGy
former smoker/chewed tobacco for 38 yrs.
1/2020 diagnosed with cancer near TMJ
4/2020 chemo 5 days every 2 weeks
6/2020 proton therapy
9/21/2020 cancer free