Christine, you're amazing -- and completely right. Thank goodness I heeded your advice and brought someone in with me because even in the aftermath when going through what the doctor had said with them I was just remembering the worst and even exaggerating it! The brain does play tricks on you.

So apparently the surgery they initially scheduled was if the tumor had been in-situ, but since the biopsy showed invasive cancer and a larger tumor so it will be exactly as you said - a 5 hour surgery with a reconstruction using a piece of skin from my arm. I'll be in the hospital for up to 10 days, and I'll have a trach in for a couple of these, pretty much exactly what you told me. Won't be fun but I've decided to try and leave the difficulties of it for when I actually have to face it - it will suck either way, no matter how much I try and prepare for it.