Hello Everyone,

My name is Gina i was diagnosed with cancer on the tongue in May 2004. I never smoked and only drank socially. I couldn't believe this was happending to me, but it did.

I had surgery at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore and they removed part of my tongue on the right side and all the lymph nodes on my right side and found cancer in 4 of them. They put me at stage 4. My tongue is a little deformed but otherwise normal, i was very lucky.

After recovery from surgery i had radiation and chemo. 34 treatments of radiation and two treatments of chemo, which ended in November 2004.

At this time talking is not an issue and i have gained back almost all of my taste. I didn't lose any of my teeth and so far i don't see any bone problems from the radiation. I suffer from some dry mouth and have to keep water with me where i go. Although i can taste most things the same way, swallowing is an issue for me, i assume that is from the dry mouth.

November 2005 will be one year and so far the cancer has not returned.

I guess my issue right now is feeling alone and isolated from my family and friends. don't get me wrong i had great support, but i don't seem to "fit" into my life any more. I do go to work, go to the gym and hang out with my friends again, but i don't seem to feel like i am part of things the way i used to.

And the fear of it returning is constant, granted not as bad as when everything first ended, but it is always with me. I have three doctors at Johns Hopkins, my Onologist, my surgeon and my oral medicine doctor all I still see every two months. I am quite greatful to have such wonderful skill doctors, but again how do you think of anything else?

For some reason while i was going through everthing i didn't want to talk to or meet anyone going through cancer treatments like me. I was only focused on getting through everything on a daily basis. The idea of talking to someone else like me was not something i could do.

Now after almost one year i find myself with the same group of friends i had before but no one i can write to or talk to who understands how i feel.

I hope i don't sound too whiny, i guess i just needed to get some stuff off my chest. I hope i found a place to belong to.

take care and thanks

Gina