I spent the 14 hours Kris was in surgery with a good friend who travelled with us to the city where he had his surgery. We went shopping, the movies and lots of coffees and cake. His surgeon phoned me when the surgery was completed. Then , my Girlfriend accompanied me to the ICU. It's a matter of being busy. I had complete faith and trust in his surgeons and the Anaesthetist, so wasn't worried that anything catastrophic would occur.
I spent most of everyday with Kris. Assisting him, advocating for him, translating for him. I guess it was somewhat easier for me as I am an ICU Nurse. Nothing phased me and I was able to trouble shoot problems as they occurred. I picked up his low Calcium levels, not the Medical team .
I think it is so important to be there, just to love them, let them know they will be ok, that you are there for them.
Thinking of you, Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!