Maureen, I was obsessive about researching. Our ENT told me I read far too many Journal articles! I needed to know. I'm a bit of a control freak , well , I am a control freak. I needed to know what we about to face, what options there were for treatment. What the side effects would be. How we would handle side effects. What our options would be if treatment failed. We were told the aim of treatment was curative so we never once asked what the odds were for prognosis. I was only going down the positive path. ( though the chemo doc did tell us that having the chemo would improve his prognosis by about 10%)
Kris did not want to know. He was content knowing that I would be his advocate. That I was informed. That I knew what to ask the team. That I was aware of and would look out for problems. That my reading and research enabled me to be fully informed. He didn't need to be and could just concentrate on himself, his treatments, his day to day recovery. He still states that " every patient needs a Tammy".
I don't know if this helps, but the researching helped me. I felt that I could help Kris. That I could fight for him. That I could discuss treatment options and current research with the team. That I was an active participant in the process and had value to Kris.
I am so sorry to hear your news. Fortunately Breast cancer has had an enormous amount of research done and new treatments developed. The survival rates have also greatly improved. I hope your Daughter in law is one of the many who will benefit.
Tammy

Caregiver/advocate to Husband Kris age 59@ diagnosis
DX Dec '10 SCC BOT T4aN2bM0 HPV+ve.Cisplatin x3 35 IMRT.
PET 6/11 clear.
R) level 2-4 neck dissection 8/1/11 to remove residual node - necrotic with NED
Feb '12 Ca back.. 3/8/12 total glossectomy/laryngectomy/bilat neck dissection/partial pharyngectomy etc. clear margins. All nodes negative for disease. PEG in.
March 2017 - 5 years disease free. Woohoo!