Hi Ashley,

As hard as it admittedly is, you can master this. It's hard, but like anything worth doing, it can be mastered by anyone with the application of diligent effort.

So, here's my take on how to calm your mind when you face a situation with one or more possible outcomes that could include significant pain and nausea, and even death (as learning what the CT scan says.)

It may sound hopeless, but it's not. But it will require effort on your part. Since we're dealing with cancer here, look at this effort as striking a blow at cancer by taking control of the one thing no one can take from you (without taking your life at the same time,) that being your own mind.

So here's the nitty-gritty on how to get from here to there, from mental turmoil and anguish, to mental calm.

First, identify what you already know about your situation and the variables involved, including any possible outcomes you can identify and rank them from "best" to "worst'

Identify the outcome that would have the least negative impact upon you and your family.

List the things you can do to affect that, things that would be most likely to cause that outcome to happen. IF there are any things that you CAN do, start at once to do them and put your energy into doing those things.

If there are none, realize that there is nothing you can do, and put the matter out of your mind. This will take considerable effort, but here's the trick for that:

Watch your thoughts. When your mind starts to wander into forbidden territory (useless speculation about what unknown terrors you might encounter;) mentally speak to your mind as if it were a 5 year-old boy. Mentally issue yourself a stern rebuke and say "Stop that!" and mean it.

Then direct your mind to a completely different aspect of your life and keep it there.

Rinse and repeat as often as necessary

If you think that might make you feel silly; don't you think "silly" is preferable to "terrified?" No, I didn't think so either.

Seriously, this works, and will probably prove one of the most valuable lessons you can learn and one of the most valuable skills you can master! What you are doing in "(meta-)programming your mind, and I repeat, it works and it's not that difficult to master. But it does take serious work (practice). Do it!

OK, now going into the meeting. Despite all the effort you put into identifying the least undesirable outcome, DO NOT attach to that, or any outcome.

Why not? Because that requires investment of emotional capital in that particular outcome. That outcome may indeed prove to be THE outcome, but it is equally likely that another outcome will be THE outcome.

You cannot lose that level of emotional capital without paying a very large price, and if you go in attached to the outcome that does not happen, your emotional price will be greatly increased by the crushing mental pain and suffering that results from the disappointment.

Realize fully that the Rolling Stones were right, "you don't always get what you want�"

The outcome you get is not always pretty, but it's always going to be the Outcome you do get. By the techniques above, you can avoid the suffering (mental anguish) that comes from fear before the event, and the similar suffering that disappointment brings after the event.

If you have not attachment to any outcome, even the worst thing you hear is nothing more that. Just information, and no matter how unpleasant, it is useful info when you see it clearly without your vision obscured by fear.

Putting that into perspective, no one here would be here if we did not have a disease in which one of the outcomes is always Death.

And putting that tasty little tidbit into perspective, that's the same situation everyone on earth faces. Life is uncertain, but it can be enhanced greatly when you can eliminate un-necessary fear and mental anguish.

When you do not attach to any particular outcome, you avoid entirely any disappointment. No expectation, nothing to be disappointed about.

This is important because the outcome will always be what it will be, no matter how badly you want it to be something else, and no matter how badly you want to avoid it being whatever the outcome actually is.

That's a major win all the way around, in my opinion.