Michael,
Thank you!! I totally understand your terror. Even after all these years, I was shocked at how scared I got. That cold water in your veins kind of scared. What helped more than the "arm news" was the kind and caring Dr. I spoke with at OHSU. Their attitude affects us so very much and some don't realize that. The ones who broke the recent news of the terrible report were cold, indifferent, casual and flippant. Saying "Oh well, you've already lived many years longer than most." That's supposed to make me feel good?
So I came back to California with the renewed conviction to find better Dr.s. Not just skilled surgeons but caring ones. My husband said the OHSU Dr. was the first to ever look at him and speak directly to him, acknowledging his presence, even though he was always in the other examining rooms. I've come to believe that a huge portion of our success in living is a happy, thriving immune system. And that takes a fun and caring support system. Be they Dr.s or friends. My 1993 Dr. at OHSU first started me on the right track. As I read all the horrifying statistics for ACC I became a doomsday, trembling wreck. And dear Dr. Cohen said "Yes, but in all those statistics theres always at least 1% that survive well, aren't there?" Yes, I admitted. "Well", he said, "then why can't you be that 1%?" and smiled.
I realized I'd been scared and given up thinking I would live. So I began to plan for survival, got in with a Wellness group of irreverant, funny people and decided to fight. It comes and goes those first few years but surround yourself with positive and fun friends.
The day after my 13 hour neck resection, when I looked so scary my uncle, a doctor himself, threw up when he saw me, my brother came with a gift. It was a Tshirt with a big picture of a cartoon cow lying flat on it's back, feet stright up in the air and tongue hanging out. The caption read "Really, I'm fine". We both laughed and cried and decided humor was the best medicine, even sick humor.
Run, don't walk to positive people. There are Wellness groups, sponsored by Bernie Siegel, all over Calif. I went to the one in Pasadena and we were a hoot. You'll kick this thing. It's just a life lesson to force you to change for the better. Otherwise we get lazy and stuck in ruts.
Hugs!! Ali