Hello Babak - I think it's been awhile since I posted on your thread, but you just asked a question that I think I can shed some light on.

Looking on this as a bad dream and whether or not it will ever be over is (in my humble opinion) doing what my good forum friend and mentor Bart told us we absolutely should NOT do. Doing so is what's called "attaching to outcomes" and it means you have an emotional stake in the answer. When we do that we put ourselves in the position of becoming bummed out and even depressed if the outcome isn't what we hoped for.

It's far better to just approach this as "I have no control over the outcome. If the outcome is positive ... great, if the outcome is negative, okay I'll face that bridge only if I actually come to it". Thinking this way keeps us from worrying both consciously and sub-consciously about what the future holds, both positive and negative. It allows us to go to sleep each night without burdin and to wake up the next morning with a fresh, positive outlook for the day.

I had several opportunities to worry thoughout my treatment. My worry time was usually just as I get into bed and turn out the light. Fortunately, for me, when I go to bed, I'm usually really tired and ready to go to sleep. So, it was easy to just say screw it, I will worry about this tomorrow (if at all). then when the new day comes, I wake up refreshed and say, no, not gonna worry about this today. I guess in one sense you're just kicking the worry can down the road, a little farther every day. That way you never have to actually worry about any of this.

Try this, it really will make your journey down this road a lot more pleasant, and with this battle we can use all the pleasant we can get.

best of luck

Tony